


Growing Pains

by reader_chic_2



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Bad Sex, Big Gay Love Story, Bottom Harry, Bottom Louis, Childhood Friends, Coming of Age, Curiosity, Cute, Cute Kids, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Enemies to Lovers, First Time, Fly By at Times, Friends to Enemies, Funny, Gay, Gay denial, Homophobic Language, Love, M/M, Sexual Content, Top Harry, Top Louis, kind of, larry - Freeform, larry stylinson - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-05
Updated: 2019-07-07
Packaged: 2020-06-16 15:02:56
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 28,265
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19653445
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/reader_chic_2/pseuds/reader_chic_2
Summary: “Harry! Have some self respect!” Liam exclaimed. “He’s picking on you for no reason! I don’t care if you have a crush on him or not. That was uncalled for!”“His friends started it. They made him do it," Harry insisted.“No friend would treat you like that. Why are you still defending him?”“Because - because -,” Harry frowned, trying to come up with a legitimate reason aside from his gut feeling.“Because he actually has a crush on Louis, don’t you?” Niall asked, voice quiet and careful.Harry didn’t protest, but he also didn’t agree. He wasn’t sure what he felt toward Louis. How could he possibly still have feelings for someone who acted so vile towards him? For someone so selfish? For someone so...“Cowardly,” Harry mumbled.“What?”“He’s scared,” Harry realized, eyes wide. “He’s so scared. Can’t you see it? It’s not just his friends. It’s - it's his dad.”. . .Or where Harry and Louis are next door neighbors and grow up dancing between enemies and friends and crushes and lovers.Notoble mentions: when Harry comforts Louis endlessly. when Lottie walks in on an awkward situation. when first time anal leads to the ER...and more!





	1. As Kids

**Author's Note:**

> hello!
> 
> I really enjoyed writing this. It's a different style than I'm used to, but I really enjoyed it. More focus on the plot, you know? Not much side plot, but I'll work on that for next time.
> 
> It's long but worth it!
> 
> 1) I am American, but I whole heartedly believe British slang is way better. So I used it and probably improperly so bear with me. 
> 
> 2) some dates/names/small details slipped my mind. sorry.
> 
> WARNING: there is the f** slur is used in this story. If that offends you, I'm sorry, but I try to show what the LGBTQ+ community has to face and struggle through and what is thrown at them, and that word is one of the many they horrible derogatory slurs used. It's not used more than a few times, but still. I'm sure I don't do it justice - what people of the LGBTQ+ community actually face - but I try to show a little part of it. 
> 
> Disclaimer: I own the plot. This is a work of fiction. None of this actually happened. And I am not saying anything about the sexualities of any of the members of 1 Direction. 
> 
> also, this was unedited so there are grammar mistakes! Sorry!

In all of Harry’s long five years of life, he knew many things. He knew his mum and dad loved him very much. He knew when someone was crying that a hug normally made them stop. He knew that the pretty boy in the house beside his was very loud and bossy. Finally, he knew that Gemma smelled weird.

The neighbors moved in a few months ago. Harry was so excited when he saw so many young kids around his age. There were two girls even smaller than him, and there was one boy who was only a little bigger than him. He had very blue eyes, but it took Harry ages to figure that out because he was always squinting as he shouted at his sisters.

“Go ask to play with them, Harry,” his mum startled Harry as he stared out the window. He spun around, face feeling hot.

“But they are playing with each other.”

His mum smiled in a sweet way. “Okay. Do you want to help make brownies to welcome them then? After you give them one of your delicious brownies, there’s no way they won’t want to play with you!”

Harry beamed. That was just what they did. He stirred the batter and snuck finger dips in when his mum wasn’t looking. They waited for his dad to get home before walking over to the house.

Anne offered for Harry to knock, but worry filled his stomach, so he ran behind his mum’s legs. She laughed as the door opened.

“Hello,” said the woman at the door. She looked at all of them, Harry specifically, before smiling at them warmly.

“Hi,” his mum said. “I’m Anne Styles, and this is my husband Robin. And this is our son, Harry.”

“Hi,” he mumbled, stealing a glance around his mother’s tall legs to spot three pair of eyes around the height of the lady’s thighs.

“Hello, Harry,” the lady said. Her voice sounded funny. “I’m Jay Tomlinson. My husband’s at work, but these are my kids. Louis, Lottie, and Fizzy. And one more on the way.”

“Wow! Big family!” his mum said. “Harry, do you want to give Louis, Lottie, and Fizzy the treats you made them?”

Without warning, his mum stepped to the side and exposed Harry and the basket of brownies in his shaking hands.

“H-hel-,”

“Oooo are those brownies?”

Suddenly, three pairs of grabby hands were on Harry, causing him to fall off the concrete ledge into the grass. Pain radiated up his body, and he felt tears prick at his eyes. The two girls scurried off with their brownies, but the boy noticed Harry’s tiny whimpers of pain.

“Hey, you okay?” The boy - Louis - asked, offering him a hand up. Harry swallowed thickly. He bum hurt, but he didn’t want to see like a baby in front of Louis. Meekly, he nodded. “Do you have any toy cars?”

“Some.”

“Wanna see mine? Me mum got me a new one!”

They all talked funny, Harry decided. It wasn’t their voices. It was the way they said their words. Harry thought it was pretty cool.

“Okay!”

As the families got to know each other, and the girls played with Harry’s curls, Harry thought he liked the new neighbors. Within ten minutes of playing, Harry broke the new car. It by accident. He had jolted away from Lottie’s sharp tugs on his curls only to find that he’d stepped on the new car.

Louis burst into tears.

Then, Louis threw dirt in Harry’s face and Harry also burst into tears.

It was a start of something, that much was clear.

After that, Harry only played with Lottie and Fizzy. Lottie was his favorite to play with, though. They played dress up and house and played with their mother’s make up. It was so cool because none of Harry’s school friends would ever do any of that stuff. All they wanted to do was play in the sand box and play with cars and hide and seek and tag, and Harry thought that was fun, but he also liked doing this with Lottie. Sometimes Fizzy joined in, but Louis never did. He said that stuff was for girls, to which Harry pulled down his pants and said, “I’m not a girl and I’m playing it!”

Louis didn’t have many friends. After his mother had twins, Harry barely saw Louis anymore. It only took him one trip over to the Tomlinson house when the twins had explosive diarrhea that caused Harry to run to his clean smelling tree house to figure out where Louis had been spending all his time.

Harry’s tree house was more or less midway between their houses. They had no fence, so the line wasn’t clear, but Harry’s dad built it for him when he was just two years old. At the busy age of six, Harry almost forgot about it.

The last time he’d been in there, he’d left more candy wrappers and soda bottles he could imagine in there, which was why it was such a surprise to find it perfectly clean. In the place of all the trash was Louis, lying on a blanket as he rolled two cars towards each other.

“Hello,” Harry said, crossing his legs as he sat in front of Louis, who had a pout on his face. His eyes were too far apart, Harry decided. They were pretty but too far apart.

“Hi.”

“Can I play?”

“You’ll just break them.”

“I said I was sorry.” When he didn’t say more, Harry puffed out his chest. “This is my tree house.”

“So what?”

“So if you’re in here, then you have to play with me.”

Louis rolled his eyes in a way that made Harry wish he could do that. “Who says?”

“Me.”

“I’ll leave then. Nobody else wants me around either. Whatever.”

Louis began stomping toward the opening, but Harry reached out and grabbed his wrist. “Hey! I want you around. I just want to play with you.”

Louis didn’t seem to believe him. “Why?”

Harry shrugged. “You’re pretty. And funny.”

Louis scowled. “You sound like a girl.”

“So do you.”

“I didn’t mean your voice.”

Harry frowned, clearly not understanding how else he could sound like a girl. Both of them had high pitched voices.

“You’re also bossy. That’s okay. I like to play a lot of games.”

Louis snorted. He did a lot of things Harry didn’t know how to do.

“Go play with my new stupid sisters then.”

“I want to play with you.”

Louis huffed. “Just this once, Curly.”

True to his word, they didn’t play together after that. Every time Harry asked, Louis said he was busy. Eventually, Harry stopped asking. He always saw him when he came over. He watched as Louis made friends in school and brought them over. Zayn had a normal accent that Harry found to be boring. Anytime Harry tried to say hi, Louis whisked them away to his room.

Harry didn’t mind. Lottie was fun to play with, even if she was younger than Harry by a few years. She liked to play with his curls. Even when Harry watched Louis across the yard the entire time she spoke, she didn’t notice. It worked well.

When Harry went to school, he made a new friend named Niall. He somehow had more energy than Louis did, and Louis played football that’s how much energy he had. Niall never wanted to go to the Tomlinson’s house to play, though. He was kind of scared of Louis, which Harry didn’t understand.

“Everyone calls him Tommo, Harry. Everyone. I don’t want to mess with someone called Tommo.”

So they stayed at Harry’s house. Lottie didn’t miss him that much. She had her twin sisters, that finally grew hair after two years, to play with. Harry didn’t see much of the Tomlinson’s for a while except when their parents had the opposite family over.

That all changed one day.

It was storming outside, so Harry was told to stay inside. He sat by the window, unsure of what to do. He had been planning on making mud pies in the woods all evening. Instead, he sat at the window and pondered what a six year old boy could possibly find interesting inside the house.

Movement other than raging wind caught his eye, so he looked again and found Louis sprinting away from his house into the treehouse. Louis hadn’t been back there since the time Harry forced him to play with him there.

Something wasn’t right, so Harry snuck outside when his mum wasn’t looking and followed Louis.

Before Harry could make his presence known on the ladder, he could hear sobs.

“Louis?”

Instantly, the tanned boy jerked upright from his curled position in the corner. His eyes glared with the heat of fire in Harry’s direction.

“Why are you crying? Do you want me to get your mum?”

Louis wiped at his nose and continued scowling. “No.”

“But - you’re hurt.”

“I’m not hurt.”

“Then why are you crying?”

Louis’s lip wobbled, threading to let loose another sob, so Harry did the only thing he knew how to do. He clambered beside Louis and wrapped his arms around him. At first, Harry thought it only made it worse because Louis started crying again even harder, but when he tried to pull away, Louis’ fists tightened their hold on his shirt. He was wrinkling his nice clothes and his mum would be mad, but Harry decided he’d take the blame this time.

“Me dad’s leaving,” Louis whispered after a long time. Harry frowned. “Mum and he are getting a - a di-dee-da-,”

“A divorce,” Harry supplied. Louis’ head shot up.

“How did you know that?”

Harry shrugged. “My mum and dad did that a long time ago.”

Louis wiped at his eyes. “Really?”

Harry sighed. “Yup. I miss my dad a lot. He lives far away now.” Louis started to cry again, so Harry hurriedly wrapped his arms around his shoulders and spoke fast. “But it’s not all bad! You get double the Christmas and birthday gifts!”

Louis only cried harder. “I already do. I turn nine on December 24th. Day before Christmas.”

“Oh,” Harry felt flustered as he rubbed Louis’ back. “Well, you might get a new dad.”

“I like my dad!”

Harry laughed. “Why? He always yells at you.” That made Louis scowl at him. “I mean, maybe he won’t move far away like my dad. My step dad is super cool, though. Like. He’s more fun than uncle Jack!”

Louis didn’t know who Jack was, but he smiled anyways. “Really?”

“I dunno. Maybe.”

At least Louis stopped crying. He still didn’t look okay, but his hopeful gaze was turned on Harry. “You’re not so bad sometimes, Hazza.” It was a name Fizzy and the twins created because Harry was a little hard for them to say when they were young. “When you’re not being all girly. Are you sure you’re not my age? We could be friends.”

Harry didn’t get his hopes up. He’d been wanting to be Louis’ friends for ages. Now that he’d stopped crying, Harry stood up and wiped off his pants. His mum would so kill him for getting dirt on his church clothes.

“I’m six. And you’re eight.” Louis nodded. Harry frowned. “I don’t get math.”

A grin so wide it made Harry’s heart stop spread across Louis’ face, sheepish and full of mirth. “Neither do I.”

Harry rocked back in his feet. “I’m glad you’re not hurt anymore.”

Louis frowned. “I wasn’t ever hurt.”

“Oh.” Harry shrugged. “Bye.”

Things after that were mostly normal. Now, Louis said hi to Harry at school. Lottie asked him to play more, and when they played any board game or sometimes even house, Louis would join. He’d stomp in and take over like he was the one to start the game.

It was fine with Harry. He enjoyed having another boy for house. Lottie played the daughter, and Louis played the dad. Louis told Harry he was his son, but Harry always pretended in his own head that he was also the dad. He liked being the dad. He liked having a husband, too. He had a whole family.

Harry still stayed away from Louis, though. Sometimes, when Lottie had to go to dance, Louis would ask if he wanted to stay and play another game (he’d finally stopped playing with cars thank goodness). Harry didn’t want to, as Niall so eloquently put it, cross Tommo and make him angry with him again, so he always left. It was better to be safe than sorry, even if it made Harry sad to see Louis’ smile fall.

Then, the families went to a creek nearby one weekend to swim. It was kind of silly because only Louis knew how to swim, and that was only because his friend Liam’s dad was a doctor and had a pool.

Still, Harry and Lottie spent most of their time skipping stones across the creek and did their best to avoid hitting Louis, who threatened to kick a foot up their butts if they hit him. Of course, Harry hit him, but it was right on the nose and had no power, so it only made the twins giggle on the grass, which made Louis (who’d finally grown to like the twins) laugh.

It was a good day.

Until they started to leave. His mum and Jay packed up the cars while his stepdad loaded the twins into their car seats. Harry was boasting to Lottie as they skipped along the creek’s edge about how he was in a booster now like a big boy. He was just like Louis.

Then, his foot slipped and he went tumbling into the cold water.

He couldn’t breathe! He sucked in for air as he splashed around in the dirty water, but he just started choking on water. He opened his eyes and saw blurry brown water.

Then, two hands yanked him to the side and pulled him out of the creek onto the rocky bed.

Harry coughed up so much water he wondered if he’d ever get any air. All the time, Louis was pounding on his back and chanting, “It’s okay, Haz. You’re okay. It’s okay. Breathe, Harry.”

“Oh my god! Harry!”

His mum and stepdad came running, but by then Harry sucked in a breath of air and could breathe again. That was when all the pain and scary feelings hit him, and he started to cry.

Louis wrapped his arms around his body and held him so tight he felt he’d never fall again. “It’s okay, Harry. I saved you, didn’t I? Don’t cry. You’re okay.”

He cried anyways, but Louis didn’t seem too upset. Even when his mum reached for him, Harry just buried his head into Louis’ chest and cried more. Louis was safe.

“Thank you, Louis. You saved Harry’s life!” Anne cried, now wrapping her arms around both of them since Harry wasn’t keen on leaving Louis’ side anytime soon, even as his cries turned into big sniffles.

“Excellent swimmer, you are!” His stepdad exclaimed. “Jay, your boy’s a hero!”

“Don’t I know it!” Jay heaved, ruffling Louis’ wet hair, which made him laugh. The vibrations jolted Harry out of his arms just slightly. “You two are perfect for each other. Always there when you need it, hmm?”

Harry blew his nose - previously full of water - and frowned. He didn’t understand what she meant because Louis only just now saved Harry, and Harry had never done anything like that for Louis. The older boy seemed to get what she was saying though because his cheeks turned red and he ducked his head into Harry’s neck. “Always.”

Later that night, when Harry woke up thinking he was in the creek again, he couldn’t stop thinking about Louis. He’d saved him. He’d really done that. And Harry needed to repay him. So he snuck out of bed and creeped out the door. The Tomlinson’s always left their black door unlocked. They didn’t live in those nice neighborhoods, but they also didn’t live in places where people broke into.

Louis’ door was closed, so Harry was very careful in opening it. Still, he stepped on a creaky floorboard and made Louis jolt awake.

Before he could scream, Harry rushed forward and clamped a hand over his mouth. “It’s just me.”

“Who’s ‘just me’ then?” Louis said bitterly. Harry giggled, and Louis relaxed. “Oh. Harry. Sorry, can’t see without me glasses.”

“Without my glasses,” Harry is sited because it was late and he couldn’t stand hearing that. Louis frowned.

“You have glasses, Haz?”

Harry pressed his palm to his face with a sigh. “No.”

“Then - wait, why are you here? It’s not morning. It’s not even a weekend! Harry, you’re a rebel!”

Harry gaped. “I am not!” He pouted, climbing onto his tiny bed without permission. “I just - I got scared.”

Louis nodded along in a way that said he was listening and trying to still figure out the point. Harry tugged on one of his curls. “Um, and I want to say thanks. You were really strong.”

Louis shrugged. “You’re smaller than me.”

Harry’s eyes danced around the room. How could he repay Louis? He didn’t bring any gifts with him. He really hadn’t thought this through.

“What are you looking for?”

“A gift. To say thanks.”

“In my room? All this stuff is already mine, Haz.”

Harry sighed in exasperation before a thought popped into his head. His stepdad kissed his mum when he’d come home to a big dinner prepared. His mum kissed his stepdad when he did the dishes. His mum even kissed Harry sometimes when he remembered to put his dirty clothes in the laundry room. When Harry asked Gemma what kissing meant, she smacked her gum in his face and said ‘figure it out.’ He said ‘thanks’ and she said ‘don’t you mean to give me a kiss?’

It took Gemma, who was five years Harry’s senior, a long time to explain that sometimes people kissed people as a way to say ‘thank you.’

“I know!” Harry exclaimed with excitement before he leaned forward and pressed his lips onto Louis’.

Harry smiled brightly at his smart idea when he pulled back and was met with a red faced, nervous looking Louis. “What was that?”

“A thank you,” Harry said proudly.

Louis shook his head. “No. What’s it called?”

Harry frowned. “A kiss?”

“A kiss,” Louis repeated with confusion.

Harry nodded, unsure how he didn’t know what a kiss was. He was eight, after all. Though, Harry supposed he’d only heard one kid talk about kisses and she was smacked across the knuckles ten times at school, so he supposed the same thing happened in Louis’ level.

“Yeah. When two people’s lips touch Gemma said it’s called a kiss. She said I didn’t want to know what a french kiss is.”

Louis nodded, as if mentally taking note of that.

“Did your mum and dad not kiss? Gemma said you can use it to say thank you, but also to say ‘I love you!’ really loud!”

Louis shook his head. “Nope. Never.”

Harry shrugged. “Oh.” He didn’t know what to do now. His eyes were feeling tired, but he didn’t want to go back to bed alone. He was too scared about falling in the creek again.

“I like you, Harry. I guess you’re not just a dumb little kid,” Louis declared within his yawn. “Want to sleep with me? I’m older so no bad dreams can get to you with me.”

“Really?” Harry grinned, feeling like his mouth was way too big for his body. “That’s so cool!”

“I know.”

“Thanks, Lou,” Harry mumbled as he buried his face in Louis neck like he did when he cuddled his mum. This felt nicer. Louis held him differently than his mum - tighter. He liked it.

“No problem, Curly.”

They were kind of inseparable after that. Harry loved hanging out with Louis. He had all these cool prank ideas. Lottie wasn’t a fan of their newfound friendship for the sole reason that most of the pranks were on her. The other lot of pranks were normally set on Jay’s boyfriend Daniel Deakin because Louis said he could never replace his real dad. Harry would then remind him that Mark wasn’t even his real dad, and Louis would follow that up with a smack on the head and protests that it was the principle that mattered!

Slowly, Niall was integrated into Louis and Harry’s friendship, along with Louis’ friends Liam and Zayn. They were all pretty close, but nobody was as good of friends as Louis and Harry were. More often than not, Harry found himself in Louis’ bed at night, even if his parents said no sleepovers on school nights.

“You still get nightmares?” Louis would ask, and Harry would hide his face in the pillow and nod. Louis then would roll Harry over until they could look at each other. “It’s okay. I do, too.”

“But you’re twelve. You’re big now. I’m just nine.”

Louis shrugged. “You’re turning ten in a week. Besides, life is scary. You can get nightmares anytime.”

“What are yours about?”

Louis debated answering, but maybe it was the way Harry’s eyes seemed extra big tonight that could him to do so. “I dream that my dad is going to forget about me. That he only still cares about the girls. That I don’t have a dad anymore.”

Harry’s chest tightened. He felt kind of silly now. All he dreamed about was falling off cliffs and getting swept up in the ocean. He scooted closer and wrapped his arm over Louis’ body. “It’s okay. You’ll always have me.”

Harry never understood why Louis missed Mark so much. Ever since he was gone, Louis was nicer. His house was quieter. His mom smiled more. Louis never flinched, and he would even play the ‘girly’ games he used to laugh at.

Still, he missed him, so Harry never said anything. Every year after school let out, Louis went on a camping trip with Mark. He normally brought Stan, a friend from his old neighborhood. But this year, he asked Harry. And Harry really wanted to say no. He didn’t like Mark. He still remembered the time he yanked Harry away from the make up he was putting on Lottie’s face and screamed, “This shit are for pussy’s. Do you have a pussy, kid?”

He still didn’t totally understand what that meant, but it didn’t sound nice to Harry.

Louis was so excited, though. He always came back from the trip with new talents. Last year, he showed Harry how to start a fire. It took a lot of tries, but he did it. Louis was practically bouncing on his feet when he asked Harry, so Harry of course said yes.

His parents were more than reluctant. They never liked Mark. His mum said he was a cheater, and when Harry asked what that meant, she said he was playing husband with someone other than Jay. Harry said he played husband sometimes, but then his mum said it was different. She didn’t really explain though.

The first day of the camping trip was fun. Mark didn’t have problems telling them what to do. Harry helped pitch the tent, and Louis made the fire all on his own. Harry tried to help tie up the food, but he was too short to help, so Louis and Mark did it while Harry handed them tools.

After they roasted fish over the fire and had s’mores, Louis and Harry climbed into the tent and made flashlight-shadow images. Mark was on a phone call on his new razor cell phone. Harry’s parents didn’t have a cell phone. He thought it was pretty cool.

“Your dad is smart,” Harry said, thinking over how he taught them how to fish. Maybe he wasn’t that bad after all.

“Duh,” Louis snorted. “Where do you think I get it from?”

“Mum said you had trouble in school.”

“Shut up, Harry,” Louis elbowed him. Harry giggled, which made Louis also giggle.

“I can help you, you know.”

“I know,” Louis said. “You’re smart. I thought you were supposed to be a baby.”

Harry laughed again. “Well, you’re more clever than me. I could never be as funny as you.”

Louis rolled to his side. “I think you’re perfectly funny, Hazza. In a cute way.”

“A cute way,” Harry hummed in thought. He liked that. His cheeks felt warm.

“Hey-,”

Louis abruptly stopped walking when they heard Mark nearing the tent. He was walking slowly, like he had nowhere to go. “-baby. Can’t wait to fuck you. So fucking hot, V.”

Harry frowned. He didn’t get what any of that meant. He was about to ask Louis, but he held up a finger and sat up quietly, leaning over Harry to hear better. Harry’s heart sped up oddly. He smelled like firewood. It was nice. He sniffed in deep, and Louis gave him a confused look before focusing on Mark again.

“Want me to slap your ass? Is that right, babe? I’ll fuck you so hard you can’t walk tomorrow...bet you miss sex with me while I’m away, huh?”

“Louis, what’s sex?”

“Shhh.”

“Hmm, for an extra blowie I could cut this horrid trip short...” Louis paled, eyes turning with fear. “That bitch said I had to keep this up, but she never said how long for...”

Harry knew bitch was a bad word. His jaw dropped.

“Jay’ll make me pay for their school if I piss ‘em off. Stupid if you ask me. He’s not even my kid...and he’s got his fag of a friend with him. They’re both annoyed as fuck. God, V help me get through this, yeah? Tell me what you’d do to me if I were there...hmm.”

He walked away, which was good because it was then that Louis’ dam seemed to have broken.

“He - he said - and I -,” Louis stuttered, tears pouring down his face as he stared at Harry in horror.

“Lou,” Harry gulped, unsure what to say.

“He doesn’t want me,” Louis whispered as all his nightmares came to life. Before he could think, Harry wrapped his arms around Louis and pulled him in as tight as he could. Louis crumpled into a ball, face burying in Harry’s neck. Despite Louis being taller than Harry, Louis seemed to disappear in his arms. Harry held him tighter. “He doesn’t want me.”

“It’s okay,” Harry insisted. “It’s okay, Louis. I swear. He - he doesn’t know what he’s missing. You’re the best kid ever. I wish I could be as great as you. You’re funny and pretty and clever and fun and - and you don’t need him. Okay? You’re better off without him.”

Louis’ silent sobs lessened enough for him to look at Harry. His eyes were red and swollen, and his lip looked like it was about to start bleeding from how hard he’d been chewing it.

“I have no one, Haz. I don’t have a dad.”

Harry’s heart squeezed painfully. His eyes were so broken, searching for something he’d never find. Why would anyone treat him like this? Why did he have to have two dad’s leave him?

“No,” Harry whispered, wiping tears away from his cheeks. They created clean lines among his dirty face. “He doesn’t have a son. You’re too good for him. You have me. Always.”

Louis sniffled, wiping a string of snot away from his nose. Harry forced himself not to giggle at how tiny he looked all of a sudden. It was like Harry was the twelve year old and Louis was ten and crying and in need of comfort. It was really cute.

“Promise?”

“Promise.”

Harry said he felt sick and needed to be taken home the next morning. Mark berated him the whole time half heartedly. He didn’t sound upset to leave. Nobody was.

. . .

Louis was much quieter for a while. He wasn’t himself. Sometimes, it annoyed Harry. All Louis did was mope around the house even when Harry came over with a new board game. Harry even offered to play cars with him, something Louis used to have to beg to get him to do, but Louis just scowled at him like he was confused.

“I don’t play with toy cars anymore, Harry. That’s for babies.”

Harry bit his tongue. He knew that. He was silly for even asking that.

When Harry’s birthday started to come up, Harry got scared. What if Louis didn’t want to do anything even on his birthday? Niall, Zayn, Liam, Louis and Harry has planned on hiking to a nearby creek to go swimming.

So when it was one day before his birthday, Harry came over and slammed open Louis’ door. Louis was hunched over as if he were asleep, but Harry didn’t care. With a firm poke to the back, Louis rolled over.

“Do you even know what tomorrow is?”

Louis blinked. “It’s your birthday,” he said as if it were obvious.

“Then why aren’t you acting like it?” Harry threw his hands in the air hotly. Louis frowned. “All you want to do is lay around and watch the tele. That’s no fun, Louis! It’s my birthday and you’re being boring!”

It was like Louis could barely understand him. The words took a while to process, and when they finally did, Louis sat up straight.

“Well what the bloody hell are we doing, Haz? Let’s rally the troops! Set march on la casa de Styles!”

It took a moment for Harry to realize Louis was back. When he did, a huge grin broke out along his lips. Louis was back.

His birthday went well. He felt like he finally belonged among his friends. He hated being the youngest, though it felt like Louis acted younger than him. Maybe it was for his benefit. That would be something Louis would do.

Louis must have spoken to Jay about the camping trip because now Mark was taking Louis out for ice cream every Friday. Harry didn’t like it. Every time he came back, Louis was a little louder and a little meaner. He was always on the bossy side, but he had never ordered Harry to make him food before without there being at least a prank or joke involved.

Still, by the next day, he wasn’t as mean. Harry came to expect it. He tended to just avoid Louis around then.

One of the Saturdays, the five of them were hanging out in Harry and Louis’ treehouse. They’d officially banned all girls from entering, but Harry let Lottie come in when she wanted. It was mainly to keep Gemma out. Today, though, it was just for the five boys.

“I brought twinkies,” Louis pulled out an entire box of twinkies. Niall looked like he was going to choke on his own saliva.

“Fuck yes!”

There was that word again. Harry didn’t hear a lot of cursing. Sometimes Gemma let one slip. Louis definitely cursed a lot, but he’d never used that word before.

“What does fuck mean?” Harry asked as the others stuffed their faces with twinkies. He didn’t like them very much.

Niall started giggling. “It can mean a lot of thing, Harry.”

“Like what?”

Niall giggled even harder. “Welllll-,”

“Don’t be gross, Niall,” Liam huffed. He turned to Harry and spoke in an even voice. “It’s a curse word, Harry. A lot of people use it to express anger.”

“No shite, Liam,” Louis rolled his eyes. Harry mimicked him, making Liam frown.

“Fine. Well, the other thing is it means to have sex.”

Harry frowned. He’d heard that before. “What’s sex?”

Niall started laughing so hard he was rolling on the floor. The other boys stared at him with apprehension. Finally, Zayn smacked Niall. “A little over eager there, mate.”

Liam pursed his lips. “Did your dad not give you the birds and the bees talk yet?”

Harry shook his head.

“Oh. Maybe we shouldn’t be-,”

“Oh, piss off, Payno,” Zayn sighed. He looked at Harry with utter seriousness. “It’s when a boy sticks his penis into...well any hole of another person’s body.” Harry’s eyes widened. “Like, oral sex is when you stick your penis in a girl or guy’s mouth. Or when you put your tongue in a hole. Anal sex is up the butt. Most people mean vaginal sex when they say sex, like when a boy sticks it up a girl’s private part. That one is how you make a baby. But sex means lots of things. So.”

Harry’s jaw dropped. “Does it hurt?”

Zayn shrugged. “My brother loves doing it. He says if feels great.”

Harry could not imagine that feeling good. It had to hurt. “Yep. You get to all the bases first, and then BOOM! Homerun!” Niall said excitedly, face bright red.

“Bases?” Harry asked, now curious. He’d heard of baseball before, and there were definitely bases in that. He looked around to see if anyone else was as confused as he was, but he found Louis staring at his feet while Liam and Zayn nodded.

“Or the three F’s,” Zayn supplied. “First is French, like French kissing.”

“What-,”

“You stick your tongue in their mouth when you kiss them. Snogging,” Liam said.

“Second is feel. You feel their private bits,” Niall grinned mischievously. “I heard Nick Grimshaw felt Taylor’s tits!”

Liam rolled his eyes, not wanting to delve into gossip. “Third is finger. So, like, um, you stick a finger inside them. Supposed to make them feel really good, you know?”

Liam was the worst explainer of the three.

Zayn finished with a shrug. “Finally, you have fuck. As in you fuck. Have sex. Boom.”

“Oh,” Harry frowned. “And it doesn’t hurt?”

Niall opened his mouth to respond, but then Anne was yelling to them that their parents were there to pick them up.

“Gotta go! But it doesn’t hurt. I personally know snogging is the best thing ever created!”

“What?” Liam gasped. “You snogged someone?”

Niall wiggles his eyebrows and disappear down the ladder. Soon, they’d all left and it was just Harry and Louis. They both stared at their feet. Harry was processing all the new information, and he had a feeling Louis was, too.

“My dad never told me any of that,” Harry whispered.

“Yeah. Neither did mine,” Louis mumbled dejectedly.

“Do you think he really, er, snogged someone?”

Louis shrugged. “Sounds fun.”

Harry nodded. “It does. I want to try.” He thought for a moment and gasped, crawling over to sit in front of Louis. “Do you want to try?”

“Try...snogging?” Louis said with wide eyes.

“Yeah!” Harry exclaimed, leaning closer. Louis leaned back a bit. “Please?”

Louis huffed. “Fine. Just once.”

Harry gave kisses to his parents and Louis and Louis’ baby sisters and even his own sister before. He’d never done this. So he moved forward and pressed his pinched lips against Louis’. It was like normal...until Louis seemed to recall that snogging meant sticking their tongue in the other’s mouth.

His tongue was warm and wet and it startled Harry as it forced his lips open. Then, Harry licked Louis’ tongue with his own. It felt so funny that it made him laugh, pulling away and wiping at his mouth as he giggled.

“Eww,” he looked up, expecting Louis to say the same, but instead he had a hand pressed to his lips. His eyes were unfocused, staring at the floor like he was looking for something. “That felt funny. I could feel it in my tummy.” He still didn’t say a word, so Harry stopped laughing and moved beside Louis. “Lou?”

He looked up, eyes wide. “I - I have to go!” Louis stammered, running out of the tree house and cursing more than Harry had ever heard.

There was definitely a ‘fuck’ in there.

. . .

Just like it began, Louis disappeared from his life. Harry first noticed that he stopped wanting to hang out together. That escalated to him avoiding hanging out even with the rest of their friends. At school, when Harry tried to talk to him, he’d turn his back and pretend to be in conversation with the nearest person, even if it meant talking to know-it-all Eleanor he hated so much.

For a while, Harry pretended like it wasn’t happening. When his mum would ask where Louis was, Harry would shrug. He’d say Louis was getting on his nerves, as if he was the one pulling away. Anne never truly bought it, so when Harry, months later, stopped pretending, she was very shocked.

“I think you should talk to him, love,” she said one day at dinner.

“And you say girls have trouble communicating,” Gemma snorted. “He’s literally one house away. Go talk to him.”

“Fine,” he huffed. He didn’t have as much pride as Louis, but he had enough to get him to at least go over there.

Harry had given up on asking Louis to hang out weeks ago; the answers were always no. So when Jay opened the door, she seemed surprised, if not a little saddened.

“Harry! Haven’t seen you in a while. How are you?”

Harry shifted his feet and muttered, “M’good. Can I see Louis?”

She sighed, like all her energy had been stolen from her. “Sorry, dear. He’s at Mark’s this week.”

“This week?” Harry repeated. He’d never spent more than a weekend there. Not only did Louis never really ask to spend longer than a few days there, but Mark also never seemed keen on watching after him for so long.

“Afraid so. He wants ‘manly time,’” Jay snorted, and Harry agreed. That was preposterous. “Lottie’s here, though.”

“It’s okay. Thanks anyways,” Harry turned to leave, but then Jay rested a hand on his shoulder and squatted down to his level. Despite Louis, Liam and Zayn having grown more than a few inches, Harry hadn’t grown a bit.

“Harry,” Jay started, but she seemed unsure how to continue. Her blue eyes reminded him so much of Louis it hurt. “I’m sorry. I told Louis what he’s doing to you isn’t right. He - he’s in a rebellious faze, though, and I’m afraid I’ve only made it worse.”

For a moment, Harry almost played dumb. He almost asked what Louis was doing to him, but he knew. The feeling of being ignored and cast aside wasn’t very mistakable.

“Sounds like he’s doing it to you, too,” Harry mumbled, and Jay nodded. “If it were me, Jay, I’d never leave here. Especially not for a wanker like Mark.”

Jay’s jaw dropped open, and she chuckled a bit. “I don’t think I’ve ever heard such a word out of your mouth, Harry. Has Louis tainted the angel inside you?”

Harry began to laugh, but a horrible sinking feeling pulled on his heart, and all he could get out was full of despair. “Yes.” He shook his head and took a deep breath. “Just...tell him I wanted to talk to him. About school.” Lies. “If you need any help with the wedding, I’d love to help! I’m a baking expert, future Mrs. Deakin!”

Jay laughed with a little more light in her eyes as she stood up. “Harry Styles. Growing up to be such a charmer!”

Louis never asked about his visit, but Jay definitely told him judging by the looks he sent Harry if they saw each other in school. Sometimes, he’d mumble to Stan, who he was hanging around more than he was with Zayn, about annoying little kids stalking him. Harry backed off after that.

It was his twelfth birthday and the first one he’d spend without Louis in all of his memories. He had Liam, Zayn, and Niall over for a sleepover, but it wasn’t the same. Nobody did any pranks. Nobody was extra loud. Nobody helped him finish all the candy in under ten minutes.

Harry cried. It turned into sobbing. Niall and Liam held him close and whispered words that only made Harry feel half better. Zayn has disappeared, and ten minutes later, he found out way.

Louis was being hauled in by his neck. Zayn threw him on the floor and said, “Are you happy? Is this what you want?”

Louis scrambled to his feet, and so did Harry. He felt embarrassed that Louis was seeing him crying, which was silly. He’d seen Louis cry more than anyone had seen Harry cry before.

“Well it’s not my fault Harry’s an emotional girl!” Louis spat. Harry flinched, but he wanted answers.

“Where have you been? Why don’t you like me anymore?”

Poor choice of wording, Harry supposed looking back on it.

Louis stepped forward and roughly shoved Harry to the ground. There was this horrid venom in his eyes. “I never liked you! God, you’re such a lying, attention seeking girl! Go be a faggot somewhere else, alright?”

Harry’s eyes widened in shock. The three boys watching the encounter gasped. Niall had only just given him a detailed talk two months ago, and he hadn’t even said that word. Harry had to have him write it down.

“What did you just call him?”

It came from Niall in a voice that wasn’t his own. It was much deeper and threatening. If Harry had looked, he would have found Niall’s fists clenched and body tensed, but he didn’t look. All he could do was stare in utter shock at Louis.

“A fag? Well that’s what he is, isn’t he? Are you lot blind?” Louis laughed in a mirthless, sardonic way that made Harry’s skin tingle. “The kid plays with fucking make up!”

“I’m not a kid!” Harry blurted without thinking about it. It was something he’d always been annoyed with. It used to be cool how much older Louis was than him - he was smarter and funnier and quicker than Harry. After years of him pointing out how much older he was with that smug grin that made Harry’s heart skip a beat, it got on Harry’s nerves, and the comment just slipped out.

“Sure,” Louis scoffed. “But you are a dick-licking fag. It - it’s disgusting -,”

His words seemed hesitant, as if they were new to his tongue. Regardless, he didn’t get to finish that sentence for two reasons.

Liam tackled Louis to the ground as Anne gasped from the upstairs, “Did I just hear - Louis Tomlinson!”

By the time Anne had gotten down to the basement, Zayn was reluctantly pulling at Liam, trying to get him off of Louis, who was putting up a poor fight. Watching Louis kick and scream and punch made the words finally sink in.

Louis didn’t just find Harry annoying - he hated Harry. He hated Harry for something that Harry barely even about himself. He hated Harry for something that wasn’t even a thing, for something not completely developed and not at all in his control. He was reduced to a word. His entire identity and meaning and friendship worth was nothing more than an angry slur.

Niall had his arms around Harry as he crumpled by the weight of such a small but large word. This time when he cried, the tears were silent.

Anne got the boys separated eventually. Liam had a black eye, but Louis’ wounds were so much worse. The fact that Harry get bad for him made the tears streaming down Harry’s cheeks and into Niall’s shirt flow harder.

“Boys, I am going to walk Louis home. It might be best if you called your parents. We can have this sleepover another time.”

“But I just live-,” Louis protested, but one look from Anne told him to stop talking.

When they left, Zayn and Liam joined Niall’s attempt at a hug. “I’m sorry-,”

“Stop, Harry,” Liam held up a hand. “This isn’t your fault. This - it could never be your fault, okay? Louis is...”

“An arsehole,” Niall finished for him.

“I just never have seen that in Louis before,” Zayn muttered in confusion. Liam elbowed him, but Harry nodded because he hadn’t either. Sure, he’d just figured out that to some people love only was between a girl and a boy, but that sounded so silly to him that he’d only assumed Louis thought the same.

“I’m shocked, as well,” Liam agreed, eyes focusing on Harry. “Are you okay?”

Harry sniffled. “I don’t - I don’t know - what’s so bad if I -?”

“Nothing’s bad, Harry,” Niall assures, rubbing his back in a calming manner. “You can like whoever you like.“

“Louis is just...lost,” Liam sighed in dismay. “I don’t know why he said that, but he’s wrong. Somebody put bad thoughts into his head, and they stuck.”

“But-,”

“I’m gay, Harry,” Zayn said. “I like boys. I want to kiss a boy. I want to love a boy and marry him one day. Does that make you want to be my friend any less?”

Harry sniffled And didn’t even have to think for a second. “Of course not.”

“Good,” Zayn smiled. He looked at Liam and Niall, who were both watching him with looks of awe. “What?”

“You just came out,” Niall grinned. “Like officially. That’s sick, mate.”

Liam didn’t have much to say. They talked for a little while longer about Zayn being gay. He didn’t seem to have any qualms. He hadn’t even realized he’d come out to them until he did. It was pretty cool.

By the time his mum got back, all the boys’ parents had picked them up. Anne took one look at Harry curled up in the couch before she sat beside him.

“Are you okay, love?”

Harry nodded.

“Don’t lie.”

He bit his lip, looking up at his mum and trying to figure out what to ask.

“What if - what if I am a -,”

“What if you like boys?” She supplied with a nonchalant shrug. “Then you like boys. Or girls. Or both. You’re still my Harry. Nothing can change that.” Harry wrapped his arms around her waist, hugging her right. “Who you like doesn’t change who you are. Anyone who things it does is mistaken and ignorant, Harry. They don’t deserve you.”

“Louis is like that?”

Anne pursed her lips. “What he said tonight was cruel and foul of him. A word like that has more negative meaning than either of you know. You’ll learn that the world is a imperfect, mean place. Sometimes, you get taught mean things. Sometimes, you get called mean things by those people.”

“I thought we’d be friends forever.”

Anne nodded, fingers running through his hair in a pattern that made him sleepy. “You might still be. Jay had a talk with him. Mark’s been saying homophobic things to Louis. Now he’ll only see him once a week, so hopefully he’ll see where he was wrong and apologize to you.”

Harry wiped his nose. “I still miss him.”

“That’s okay.”

“Okay.”

Anne kissed his head like she used to do every night. Harry wasn’t afraid to admit he’d missed that. He curled into her hug and sighed.

“I don’t think I’m gay,” Harry mused. Anne hummed. “I don’t think I’m - er - straight either.”

“You’ll figure it out,” Anne said, voice lacking any hint of pressing for time. “When you’re ready.”

“Mum?”

“Yes?”

“Never mind.”

“Okay dear.”

Slowly, life seemed to adjust. Harry got used to hanging out with Niall a lot. It was fun and exciting and they worked together on pranks, but there was something missing. There would always be something missing, and he knew it wasn’t a what but a who. Still, life went on.

Around the time that Zayn kissed Liam and made everything really, really awkward, Louis got a girlfriend. It was Eleanor, and every day after classes Harry got to listen to her talk on and on to her friends about how sweet Louis was and how strong and handsome and clever he was. Sometimes, it made him sick. Other times, it made him laugh.

Liam went MIA except for classes, so Harry only hung out with Niall and Zayn. It was odd because Zayn was so quiet and calm yet Niall was so loud and energetic and Harry had no idea how to balance them out.

When Liam started hanging with them again, Harry could breathe better. Things were weird, but they didn’t talk about it. They also didn’t talk about how awkward it was when they passed Louis and Eleanor making out before classes every day.

To Harry, it wasn’t that it was weird seeing PDA. It wasn’t even that it was Louis, his best friend. It was that it looked all wrong. Harry had never had a proper snog aside from the joke of the one he and Louis did years ago, but he knew Louis shouldn’t have been so stiff, and she shouldn’t have been pressing up on him like they didn’t fit together properly.

Things were a little better now that he was with her, though. He said hi to Harry in the hallways, and if they ran into each other when Harry hung out with Lottie, he asked how classes were and how Anne was. It was never more than formalities, but it was something. It was hearing his voice and seeing his smile. With every word, Harry put his homophobic slurs behind him despite his friends’ pleas not to.

But it would never be completely forgotten.

“I just - how do you get the line perfect every time? It’s so straight!” Harry groaned as he dropped the hand holding eyeliner. Lottie blinked and glanced into the mirror, giggling as she looked at his uneven, thick, horrid cat-eye.

“Well, your line is as straight as you, so you may want to work on that,” Lottie rolled her eyes.

Harry laughed. It was something he laughed at now. Once he admitted it, it was freeing. There was no revelation moment. He was just Harry, and whatever that was, he wasn’t going to confine it to one thing or the other.

“Try-,”

“Lottie, did you take one of my t-shirts to sleep in again?” Louis yelled as he threw her door open.

Lottie scoffed, “No. I have boobs now. You’re too tiny.”

“I am not tiny! I am - woah,” Louis stopped abruptly. Harry glanced away from his hands to see why Louis stopped speaking, and then he immediately remembered that Lottie had put make up on him. “Um. Make up. Fun.”

Harry blushed, wanting to bat away the comment and say it was all a joke, but he knew why he wanted to say that. He knew that’s what Louis was probably wanting to hear, that Harry was only jokingly being feminine.

“I’m not any good, but Lottie is amazing.” Harry said.

“Want us to try on you, Louis?” Lottie’s eyes twinkled with mirth because they all knew what Louis’ answer would be. Harry was already laughing.

“Okay.”

Harry blinked. He sat in utter silence as Louis folded his legs under him and looked at Harry and Lottie expectantly.

“Um. Okay. Harry, why don’t you do him and I’ll see what you’re doing wrong?” She didn’t offer much room to debate, so soon Harry sat before Louis with shaking hands.

“Nervous?” Louis offered up one of his smiles that made Harry’s whole body tense.

“Um, I just didn’t expect to be doing your make up tonight. W-where is Eleanor?” Harry asked as Lottie wiped his face clean.

“I dunno. Annoying her friends, probably,” Louis muttered with distaste.

“Stan?”

Louis made a face. “Can I not stay at home anymore, Haz?”

Harry stiffened, but before he could change the subject, Lottie piped up. “Don’t call him that.”

“Why the bloody hell not?”

“I just...don’t like being called that anymore. It’s okay.”

Louis scowled, beginning to say something in protest, but Harry quickly jumped in and smothered his face with foundation. Lottie smacked her hand to her face, muttering about using a sponge or a brush or something.

“Turning thirteen soon, right?” Louis asked, and Harry was honestly shocked he remembered his birthday was next week. “Any big plans?”

Harry shrugged. “It’s just thirteen.”

Louis shrugged as Harry tried an attempt at contouring. Honestly, he didn’t need contouring. His cheekbones were so high his face was already heading toward chiseled. There was baby fat in his cheeks, but it was fading.

“You’re officially a teen, though. That’s fun.”

“What’s the difference?” Harry tried to sound uninterested in the conversation. He tried to sound like he wasn’t hanging onto every word.

“I got to date girls at thirteen. So that was cool. Now I’m dating Eleanor.”

Harry shrugged. “I don’t like anyone like that.”

As Harry artfully put eyeshadow on his eyelids, Louis scrunched his nose. “You don’t have to like them a lot before. They kind of just grow on you. You learn to like it all.”

Harry stopped and glanced at Lottie, who seemed to be holding back laughter. “That doesn’t sound right, Lou. Harry’s sister was jumping up and down when her boyfriend asked her out over the phone.”

Louis scowled. “Well...she’s weird then.”

Harry didn’t say anything more; he was too focused on a drawing the perfectly straight line over Louis’ eyelid like Lottie did. It was better now that he could see and hold Louis’ eyes closed completely. He even added a little cat eye.

“I don’t know if he needs mascara. His eyelashes are so long already,” Harry murmured as he lightly tapped his eyelashes. Louis shuddered a bit.

“Everyone needs mascara. You’re doing really good, Harry.” Lottie insisted, leaning over his shoulder to check his work.

“So you’re really into this whole make up thing?” Louis asked, obviously directing it at Harry. Lottie got make up for her twelfth birthday and hasn’t stopped wearing it since.

“Kind of,” Harry bit his lip as he dusted glimmering highlight over his cheekbones. They were starting to get so defined. “It’s fun. Plus, I needed something to do for when Liam and Zayn start snogging at sleepovers. Niall lets me practice on him.”

Louis’ mouth dropped open. “Z-Zayn and Liam...are together?”

Harry hummed, quirking an eyebrow expectantly. “Gonna call them ball lickers or summat, too?”

Louis looked more stunned than before. “I - no!“

Harry’s lips quirked. “Good. You’re finished.”

Louis nodded quickly, and then Lottie shoved a mirror in his face. “Wow, Harry! You did great! Much better! I’d approve this for going to a dance, even.”

Harry beamed, looking at Lottie with appreciation. He expected to hear sounds of disgust coming out of Louis, but when there was utter silence, Harry looked back.

He kept inspecting himself in the mirror, like he didn’t know what to think. His hands ghosted over his cheek bones, and then they pinched his lips that looked slightly fuller than before, and he blinked slowly. If Harry didn’t know any better, he’d think he was admiring the make up and the way it made him look.

“You like it?” Harry asked, wincing at the hope in his voice. It seemed to snap Louis out of his trance. He looked up, eyes unfocused and full of confusion.

“No!” He said indignantly, but his voice raised two octaves, and even though Harry hadn’t been friends with him in years, he knew what he sounded like when he was embarrassed and caught in a lie. “Definitely not. I mean...you did good, Harry. Sure. But I look all girly. Yuck.”

Harry and Lottie looked at each other and laughed.

It was that night when Lottie left Harry to finish the cookies in their kitchen so she could go call a boy that Harry realizes why that day felt like such a good day. It was an exciting and dreadful realization all at the same time. He was so lost in thought that Jay came down from putting the twins to bed to find the cookies burning.

“Harry! The cookies!” She screeched, running to grab them out of the oven. Harry gasped and helped, groaning at the brown cookies.

“I’m so sorry! I - I got distracted,” he sighed, looking forlornly at the wasted cookies. Jay offered him a smile and helped prepare the second batch.

“Lottie leave you?” She asked with a chuckle.

_Yeah. Must be common trait for your kids._

Only when Jay winced and looked at him with sad eyes did he realize he’d spoken out loud.

“Sorry,” Harry blushed.

“It’s alright,” Jay leaned beside Harry on the counter as they watched the cookies bake. “Is there anything you want to talk about, love?”

“Nope.”

“Harry,” she admonished. He didn’t know what it was about this family that got him talking, but it was something.

“It’s nothing,” he scratched the back of his neck, eyes glancing around to ensure Louis wouldn’t overhear him, but then he remembered he was on a double date with Eleanor and Stan and whoever he was bringing along. Mark had taken them to the movies. “I think I finally figured out, um, something today. And I’m not sure if it’s a good thing or not.”

Jay smiled in sympathy. “What did you figure out? Your secret is safe with me. You can tell me anything. I won’t even tell your mum!”

Harry snorted. That was probably a lie. Luckily, he told his mum most things as well. Still, maybe it’d be best to get help from someone outside of his house that didn’t think he was beyond perfect.

“Fine. You can tell anyone, though. Ever.” Harry insisted, staring imploringly at her to make sure she understood. She nodded patiently. “I never got the whole craze about girls. Like, I did, I guess, but not really. But I also didn’t get it about boys either,” Harry frowned, remembering hearing Zayn talk about how cute boys were and Harry vaguely agreeing, but he’d never gotten those butterflies over boys or girls. “I just...didn’t get what was so exciting about it.”

“You didn’t,” Jay mused. “Has that changed?”

“Yeah,” he frowned. “I get butterflies sometimes, um, around Louis.”

Jay nodded, like this wasn’t news to her. Maybe it wasn’t, but there was a sadness in her eyes, and Harry knew why; Louis was straight.

“That’s just what Liam said he gets around Zayn. And Gemma said that she used to get butterflies around boys she liked, so. It doesn’t matter, I guess,” Harry shrugged.

Then, Jay wrapped her arms around him and rubbed his shoulders encouragingly. It felt nice. “It does matter. It sounds like you really get to know and trust someone before you like them romantically. That’s not a bad thing.” Jay said, and her words would resonate in Harry’s head for years to come. He knew it then and forever because that might have been as accurate of s description as he’d ever have. “You know, your mum and I always thought you and Lou would date one day. We still have hope.”

Harry laughed, brushing back his curls that seemed to just get longer. They needed cut. “Pretty shitty placed hope, if you ask me,” Harry chuckled depreciatively, and then he realized he’d cursed in front of Jay and gasped. “Sorry! But if you hadn’t realized, he’s not only gay, but somewhat homophobic.”

Jay sighed in dismay. “It does appear that way, doesn’t it? Though, I believe he’s matured from the homophobia, even if he still idealizes Mark.”

Harry grimaced with her. “If you ask me, I like Danial much better.”

Jay smiled, patting him reassuringly. “Thank you, love. Hang in there, alright? We miss you around here. Don’t be a stranger, okay?”

“Okay.”

Harry tried not to be a stranger, but it was unsettling enough to witness Louis snogging Eleanor’s face off in school. He wasn’t into the whole self-inflicted pain thing. Though his stupid crush - what he’d fallen into calling it - was new, it hurt. He had no idea how to end it, which was inconvenient.

His thirteenth birthday came and went without much celebration. Harry and his friends went to the movies to see the new Harry Potter movie. It was good, and they were laughing when they came out of the movie. Niall started singing happy birthday so loud the entire cinema was staring. Unfortunately, that grabbed the attention of Louis and his friends.

Harry, Niall, Liam, and Zayn were still waiting on Harry’s mum to pick them up, so they had no choice but to face Stan when he said in a high pitched voice, “Happy birthday, Harry! Like, oh my goddd, you’re not a baby anymore!”

Stan was obviously doing the stereotypical feminine ‘gay’ voice. It made Harry weary. He never really spoke to Stan much, mainly because he was older, but he’d heard enough from Liam and Zayn that he was a homophobic menace.

“Jesus, hasn’t your mum bought you new trousers yet?” Taylor said as she bent down to inspect Harry’s trousers. He’d shot up within the last year, and his mum asked if he’d try on clothes, but he didn’t really want to.

“Hasn’t anyone told you your hair looks streaky yet?” Louis hissed. “Back off, Taylor.”

She held her hands up in surrender and snickered something to Eleanor, whose eyes grew wide with mischief.

“L, give Harry a present,” Eleanor said as she nibbled at Louis’ ear. Harry grimaced at the sight.

“What?” Louis frowned. “I don’t have a present.”

Recollection appeared on Stan’s face, and then he seemed to be holding back laughter along with the girls. “It’s in your back pocket. Come on, L.”

Harry didn’t like that nickname for Louis, but he didn’t have much time to think on it before Louis realized what they’d meant. He looked nervous and slightly sick as he snuck his hand in his jean pockets and pulled out a square foil package.

“Uh, happy birthday? Here’s a rubber.” Louis asked as his three friends burst into laughter. “Funny right?”

It wasn’t funny, not when Eleanor was chortling, “Be cautious of HIV in your very active sex life, Harry!”

His throat get tight and closed off, and he had trouble swallowing. Eyes burning with tears, Harry dropped the condom and turned around, letting Niall and Liam step in closer in a sort of shield. He could feel Zayn step in front of Louis.

“That’s low, Louis. Even for you,” Zayn hissed.

“Oh come off it, Zayn. The kid’s got to get over his pathetic crush sooner or later!” Eleanor sneered, and Harry tensed completely. He hadn’t told anyone about his crush for Louis aside from his mum and Jay, and neither of them would ever blab.

“Shove off, Eleanor,” Louis hissed, but Harry wasn’t sure if it made it any better. “Harry-,”

Just hearing his name out of his former best friend’s mouth made his stomach turn like he was going to be sick. He spun around, fists clenched in rage as he spat out, “I don’t care what you have to say, Lewis. Please. Just leave us alone.”

Even in the heat of a fight, Harry couldn’t find it in him to say anything worse than that. The flaws he knew about Louis were only meant for a time when he and Louis were so close they hardly slept apart. Harry couldn’t bring that up, not now.

“You can’t even say the right name!” Taylor laughed, clearly missing the intentional jab at Louis. Blondes.

“L-let’s go, alright?” Louis said, stumbling back from Harry as if he’d threatened his life. Harry squared his shoulders, setting his jaw as he watched them shove Louis around on the way to their car. Before climbing in the passenger seat, Louis looked back at the four of them, eyes turned down in pain. With a final deep breath, Harry turned his back on him and faced his friends.

“He’s the foulest person I’ve ever met!” Liam growled. “It’s one thing to ditch your friends, but it’s another to - to harass them!”

“Can’t believe we were friends with him ever at all,” Niall sneered. He was bouncing on his feet with energy, as if he was ready to chase after the car and fight everyone in it.

“I can,” Harry sighed dejectedly.

“Harry! Have some self-respect!” Liam threw his hands in the air. “He’s picking on you for no reason! I don’t care if you have a crush on him or not. That was uncalled for!”

Harry ran his hands through his curls, a habit he picked up as his hair got wilder. It was a futile attempt to tame it. “His friends started it. They made him do it.”

“Harry,” Zayn put a hand on his shoulder, eyes downcast. “That’s true. He may not have fully wanted to do it, but he did do it. A friend would never do that.”

Harry glared. “Don’t you think I know that?”

“Then why are you defending him?”

“Because - because -,” Harry frowned, trying to come up with a legitimate reason aside from his gut feeling.

“Because he actually has a crush on Louis, don’t you?” Niall asked, voice quiet and careful. Harry turned to him, unsure how he too would figure it out. He winced. “I’m sorry, Harry. It’s just sort of obvious.”

Harry didn’t protest, but he also didn’t agree. He wasn’t sure what he felt toward Louis. How could he possibly still have feelings for someone who acted so vile towards him? For someone so selfish? For someone so...

“Cowardly,” Harry mumbled.

“What?”

“He’s scared,” Harry realized, eyes wide. “He’s so scared. Can’t you see it? It’s not just his friends. It’s - it’s Mark.”

His friends’ faces fell. It was obvious once he’d said it allowed. “You’re right,” Liam said with dismay. “You’re absolutely right.”

“That’s awful,” Zayn agreed. “But very true.”

Harry avoided Louis from then on. He knew why he was acting the way he was, but Harry didn’t want to subject himself to more ugly slurs. Louis seemed to avoid him, too, and a small part of Harry hoped it was for the same reasons.

But the damage had been done.

A month later, while Harry sat strumming a guitar under their back porch late one rainy night, a dark figure emerged from the Tomlinson house and stormed to the old treehouse. It was a poor choice considering the poor treehouse leaked terribly now.

A car sounded from out front of the Tomlinson house, speeding away quickly. Harry knew that only Louis should have been home this weekend as he stayed behind from a family trip to play in his footie game.

Curious as to who it was that ran to the tree house, or who it was that left in a car, Harry pulled the hood of his sweatshirt over his head and dashed into the rain.

Harry heard the sobs before he got through the door, and he almost turned back, but he knew them to be Louis’. Even now, his heart squeezed painfully hearing him in such pain. So he climbed through the trap door.

“Louis?” Harry squeaked, voice cracking as it did these days. His head whipped upward, eyes red and raw and wide with fear.

“Hi, Harry,” Louis wiped at his nose blearily. The rain was pouring and coming into the treehouse heavily. Louis was huddled under the little table they had made, somewhat protected from the rain, so Harry crawled under it with him and sat across from his balled up form. He’d have looked sort of adorable had it not been for the tears running down his cheeks. “What are you doing out here in the bloody rain?”

He sounded absolutely pitiful.

“You’re crying.”

Louis snorted so hard his head fell forward against his knees. “That I am, Hazza. That I am.”

“Why?”

Louis turned his head, still resting on his knees. He stared for so long Harry wondered if he would ever respond. At least he’d stopped crying.

“Why are you really here, Harry? Why do you give a shite about me? I’ve been nothing short of horrible to you.” Louis spat out with slight anger.

With a sigh, Harry ran his hands through his hair, trying to find the answer that he really was unsure of. “I still care about you, Lou. I can forgive you for the past.”

Louis snorted, running a hand down his face. “Why do you keep forgiving me?”

“For the same reason you keep hurting me.”

A look of confusion crossed his face. “I don’t get that.”

Harry shrugged. “So. What’s wrong?”

“Eleanor broke up with me,” Louis offered freely, eyes still scrutinizing Harry for an explanation he wasn’t willing to give.

“I’m sorry,” Harry said, though he selfishly wasn’t. “Did you love her?”

Louis laughed. “Fuck no. I should be glad, really.”

“Why?”

“I swear, Harry, all she wanted out of us was sex. Ironic, then, isn’t it that lack of sex was the thing that killed us?”

Harry’s heart skipped a beat. “What do you mean?”

Then, Louis tilted his head so he stared directly into Harry’s eyes. His voice was as low as Harry had ever heard it, utterly serious as he spoke, “I couldn’t get it up. We had sex twice, barely. I just - I couldn’t do it anymore. God. Fucking dammit!”

Louis burst into tears, head burying in his arms. It finally hit Harry that Louis wasn’t crying because he’d lost Eleanor. He was crying because he was frustrated. It was a Louis thing to do, Harry supposed. Without thinking about it, he settled next to Louis and wrapped his arm around him.

“I th-thought,” Louis stammered between sobs, “I thought I would like boobs and shite when I saw them. But I didn’t.” Harry rubbed his back and Louis fell closer into his arms. “Then I thought I could - I could force myself to. It kind of worked.” He groaned, pressing the palms of his hands into his eyes so hard Harry was sure he’d hurt himself, so he grabbed his wrists and held them against his sides.

“Louis,” Harry whispered, sadness seeping into his words.

Louis turned his face into Harry’s chest as he cried harder than he’d ever cried before. “I don’t want to be gay, Harry. Why can’t I be straight?”

Harry’s soul aches for Louis. This wasn’t right. Nobody should dread being who they were this much. Mark did this, and Harry never hated one man more than in this moment.

“It’s okay to be gay, Louis,” Harry insisted, making Louis tense, but he kept on. He’d been exposed to someone so insistent saying things Harry could only imagine. He needed someone just as adamant on his side. “You don’t choose who you’re attracted to. You proved that, didn’t you?”

It only made him cry harder, so he decided to try a different approach.

“Why don’t you want to be gay?”

Louis made a sound of disproval, but he lifted his head so he wasn’t speaking into Harry’s sweatshirt. “You won’t like what I’d say.”

“Try me.”

Harry wouldn’t like it, but he also needed to hear it. He needed to hear what motivated Louis to hating who he was.

He huffed, “First off, it’s a fucking sin.”

“As is cursing,” Harry pointed out. “I don’t weight our sins, and neither does God.”

For all it was worth, Louis listened. Harry expected him to get closed off, but he just nodded like he was jotting it down in his head.

“It’s gross and unnatural.”

“Says who?” Louis didn’t answer, only continued staring at his knees. Harry continued anyways. “Look, I have no idea about the specifics of gay sex, but it’s not like most heterosexual guys don’t want to do anal, right? Most try it. Anal sex with a girl is only more ‘unnatural’ because they don’t even have a prostate gland.”

It made Louis laugh. Snot dripping from his nose, Louis rubbed his nose and looked at Harry with mirth. “Some girls like it.”

Harry laughed along with him until it all faded away and they remained with Louis’ head resting against Harry’s chest.

Finally, the real reason came out.

“I don’t want to be someone my dad hates.”

Harry sighed. “I know.”

“You know?” Louis whipped around and stared at him.

Harry shrugged. “Why else would you say those things to me?”

Louis stared at him for five solid seconds before he pulled him in for a hug so tight they both couldn’t breathe by the end of it. “I’m so sorry,” he spoke into his ear. “I’m so, so sorry, Haz. I’m-,”

“It’s okay,” Harry insisted, pulling back inches from his face and making his heart beat a thousand times a minute. “It’s okay...if you’ll promise me you’ll come to terms with who you are. And if it helps any, your mum didn’t blink an eye when I told her I’m not straight – she loves you for you, not who you’re attracted to.”

“Really?”

Harry nodded reassuringly, and when Louis cracked a half hopeful smile, it made his heart surge back to life. There was hope for humanity after all.

“And the deal?”

Louis bit his lip, obviously thinking about what that really meant. “Alright. Would you...help me if I get stuck?”

Harry beamed. “Obviously.”

. . .

It took some getting used to. At first, Louis retreated into this odd shy form that nobody had seen before. He didn’t feel like he belonged back with Liam, Zayn, Niall, and Harry. It was understandable, but all it took was one encounter with Stan and Eleanor to prove he was where he was meant to be. They tried to make a homophobic slur toward Louis, and the moment their sentence started, Louis sent a fist in Stan’s face and dumped Eleanor’s purse in the fountain.

It was quite effective.

Liam gave him a high five. Niall hugged him. Zayn was the hardest to win back over. All he did was give him a nod, but it was only a week before they were back to talking secrets with each other again.

Oddly enough, nothing about it felt familiar. It was new in a totally different way than he’d been expecting. Things were more exciting. Whenever Louis was around, his stomach clenched and he was sitting on the edge of his seat in anticipation of something he didn’t even know. It was exhausting, really.

“First birthday without us around,” Niall sneered at Liam when they all piled into his car. Louis was squished between Harry and Niall in the back. It was nice. “How was it?”

For his birthday, Liam and Zayn went camping. They’d said it was all four of them so their parents wouldn’t flip out. It was just the two of them under the stars, so Niall, Louis, and Harry were all itching to know if anything happened. Thus far, they’d exchanged quick hand jobs and nothing more, but that wasn’t very exciting to hear considering it was just wanking someone other than yourself. Despite Louis nor Harry owning a computer or having any sort of access to porn, they all had definitely done that at some point.

“It was amazing,” Liam laughed, glancing at Zayn with this loved our expression that might have been worse than their lust-filled ones.

Louis rolled his eyes. “Come on then. Give us the gruesome details! How was anal sex?”

All four stared at him, even Liam who was normally a cautious driver. Zayn looked near murderous, and his all black attire didn’t help that.

“What? Wasn’t that the real reason you went camping? I mean, honestly, the bugs...”

Zayn debated for half a second before turning around and shrugging. “He’s got a point, Liam. I’d never be caught dead camping otherwise.”

“Ah ha!”

“Oh, don’t be so smug about it,” Liam gripped the steering wheel a tad tighter.

“As a fellow gay man, I feel I have a right to know what anal sex is like!” Louis proclaimed, proudly elbowing Harry, as if he were capable of missing anything he said at a volume meant for outdoors from right next to him. Harry beamed nevertheless because he was getting so much better at admitting it. None of his family knew yet, but his mum did know they were close again.

“You have a right to my and Liam’s personal sex lives?” Zayn snorted as he picked at his leather jacket. He was really trying too hard with this whole biker look. “I didn’t sign up to that.”

“And I didn’t sign up to being gay, where sex is, I hear, a thousand times more complicated. So. Chop chop!”

Liam and Zayn glanced at each other wearily, but there was this smug look between them that said they were both bursting with gushing statements about their first times.

“Alright,” Liam cleated his throat. “Well...the first time we just did missionary. Turns out, fingering is just as fun as sex.”

Zayn turned beat red as he nodded forcefully.

“Does it hurt?”

“Well, I guess that depends on your size,” Liam mused.

Zayn shrugged. “A little at first. Not bad after I got used to it.”

“Giving head is really hard,” Liam added as an afterthought”

“Duh,” Niall chimed in to just say something. He was the only straight one there, but he still always tried to include himself in gay talk. It was nice of him.

“Bottoming is so much better than you’d think,” Zayn smirked. “Feels like nothing you’d ever imagine.”

Liam grinned at him, reaching for his hand. “Probably did it ten times.”

“Liam!” Zayn threw his head back in laughter.

For the rest of the evening, they really didn’t shut up about it. Once they separated, they got really bad. Harry was with Liam, and he kept talking about how tight and hot and loud he was. Later that night, Louis and Niall said Zayn was just as bad.

It was cute, they supposed, at first. But once they started repeating themselves, it got annoying. A week later, they’d had sex again, and it all restarted. Harry honestly couldn’t believe they’d risk having sex with their families in the house.

“It’s beyond worth it,” they’d said.

Harry huffed. “What’s the great about sex?” He asked Louis one evening. His mum had another set of twins recently. His house was very loud, so he stayed over a lot now. Anne never cared. She’d missed seeing Louis around.

Louis shrugged. “Dunno. I’ve only had sex with a girl, and that was awful.”

Harry chuckled, plucking a string on the guitar half heartedly. “I wish I had a computer. Niall talks about porn all the time.”

Louis snorted. “Tell me about it. Zayn and Liam won’t shut up about actual sex. It’s fucking annoying.”

“What’s a blowjob like?” Harry mused, giving up on his guitar to lie beside Louis on the bed.

“Didn’t have too many of those,” Louis sighed. “Whenever I could get hard, we jumped straight to sex.”

“Damn.”

Louis was quiet for a moment. “I wonder if bottoming is as good as Zayn claims.” Harry didn’t answer. He had no idea. They were quiet for a while, both thinking things they’d probably never admit aloud. Louis rolled over and peered at Harry curiously. “Harry. I have a crazy idea.”

“What’s new?” Harry grinned, ruffling up his hair. Surprisingly, it caused Louis’ cheeks to grow red.

“Um. You can say no,” Louis scooted close enough to make Harry’s heart skip a beat. Ah. So that crush thing didn’t fade away like he’d hoped. “You really probably should.”

“Just spit it out, Lou.”

Louis’ eyes steeled away, straying on his curls for so long Harry wondered if he would get lost in them. “We both want to know, um, what sex is like. So I just thought...maybe we could...you know...”

“Have sex?” Harry finished for her, eyes wide. He never expected Louis to suggest that. He never expected Louis to even think of him as a viable option for sex. Sure, he was a guy, but he was little kid Harry. He was the annoying next-door kid.

“Yeah,” Louis sat up, not looking at Harry. “Just a thought.”

“Let’s do it,” Harry sat up as well. Louis’ head whipped around, eyes untrusting. “Seriously.”

“But...you’re only thirteen.”

“So?” Harry snorted. “You’re only fifteen.”

Louis bit his lip. “Okay.”

“Should we make a list?” Harry blurted, blushing. Louis raised an eyebrow. “Never mind. I just...don’t know how to start.”

Louis pursed his lips. “Uh, I guess we need to decide who bottoms and who tops.”

Harry ran a hand through his hair. “I’m okay with either. Why don’t you top? Since you, like, know the motion.”

Louis nodded. “Alright. Lock the door.”

“Now?” Harry squeaked, body turning hot suddenly. This was happening. He was going to kiss Louis. He was going to touch Louis. He was going to have sex with Louis Tomlinson. Oh god.

“Why not? Your parents and sister are asleep, and I can’t stop thinking about it.” Louis said, and Harry agreed. He just also could hardly breathe. “Are you sure?”

Harry got up and locked the door as he nodded. When he turned back around, Louis was standing shirtless and watching Harry in a way that he surely never had. Louis nodded quickly at Harry, but it took a second for him to realize it was time to take off his clothes.

Never having been shy, Harry stripped to just his pants, and Louis followed. Harry had seen Louis naked a few times before back when they were kids. He’d changed since then. He was older looking. He had a tummy that was older looking. He was so tan, and his arms seemed to be more defined.

And his bum was amazing.

“Sit,” Louis gestured, patting his lap. Harry’s heart leapt. He felt his pulse in his stomach. As Harry moved to straddle Louis, he worried the pulsing of energy would cause him to pass out. “Kiss me.”

“I don’t know how,” Harry muttered, remembering his lack of experience was vast. Louis’ lips quirked upward, and then he held Harry’s face between his hands and pulled his face down to his.

Kissing was as exciting as Harry had heard. It was weird, at first, but then Louis guided him expertly. His tongue licked at his lips, tasting him and teasing him. It made Harry groan as his body kicked to life. Without any more hesitation, Harry placed his knees on either side of Louis’ legs and sank down on his lap.

He was painfully hard beneath him, pressing against his bum. It made Harry groan into the kiss. Louis’ tongue worked inside his mouth, sliding against his tongue. It was so much, all at once. Harry’s heart was bursting. His whole body was shaking with energy.

Louis ground his hips upward, causing both boys to whimper. Then, Louis palmed at Harry’s dick. “Fuck. That feels good.”

“Yeah?” Louis asked, voice raspy and light and making Harry’s ears ring. “Get on your back, love.”

Harry did as told, watching as Louis tore off his pants. Harry did, too.

“Should we do blowjobs?” Louis’ eyes didn’t move from Harry’s dick. Suddenly, Harry was thankful he hit puberty decently early. His voice was still squeaky, but his penis was quite a bit larger. It was even bigger than Louis’, actually.

“No,” Harry breathed. He was sure he’d orgasm way too early if that happened. “Fuck me.”

Louis’ eyes dilated at his words, and he nodded as he fell on top of Harry again. They kissed hungrily. Luckily, Harry got the hang of it, following Louis’ lead. Kissing was amazing.

Then, Louis’ fingers were reaching between his legs and pressing against Harry hole. Harry jumped, eyes flying open in surprise. Louis pulled back to look at him and focus. He pressed further into him, but nothing budged. Harry grunted and moved up.

“Maybe get them wet,” Louis mumbled, pulling his fingers up and licking around his fingers. Eventually, he just spit on them. When he reached back down, he made a face. “Sorry. Uh. Weird taste.”

Harry bit his lip. “Sorry. I -,”

“Shh,” Louis kissed him again, distractingly. It worked because the next thing he knew, he had a finger inside Harry, making the younger boy gasp. Louis took that as a good sign and pushed another one in.

At this point, it didn’t feel bad. It didn’t feel spectacular like Zayn claimed, but he’d manage. Louis kind of moved his fingers around, making Harry squirm. It was a weird feeling. Not good but not bad.

“You ready?” Louis asked, and Harry had no idea, but he wanted to make Louis feel good, and he really wanted to have sex. Sex was amazing. The sooner the better.

“Yeah, Lou,” Harry groaned as Louis pulled his fingers out. It was unsettling, and almost a bit like popping, which really concerned Harry. Louis wiped his fingers on the bed and aligned himself at his entrance.

“Fuck,” Louis breathed, eyes steeling as he pushed inside in one quick motion.

Harry screamed.

It was not a good scream, either. It was a scream of pure pain as white hot fire ripped its way up Harry’s arsehole.

“Fuck, fuck, fuck!” Louis paled, not moving an inch. “Harry, are you okay?”

“No!” Harry moaned, biting down so hard on his lip he tasted blood. “Out! Out, out, out!”

Pulling out was almost as bad as going in. “Oh my godddd,” Harry’s hands gripped his bum, pinching tightly at his cheeks in a futile attempt to numb the pain.

“Shit,” Louis breathed as Harry rolled on his side in a ball. “Shit, Harry, you’re bleeding. Holy fuck. Th-that’s not supposed to happen.”

“Louuuu,” Harry cried, tears spilling freely from his eyes. Louis clasped their hands together as he seemed to debate about what to do.

“Fuck. Haz, I’m sorry, but I need to get your mum,” Louis bit his lip.

“What!?” Harry’s eyes bulged our of his head. “No way!”

“Harry,” Louis’ voice wobbled, and then there were tears in his eyes too. “You’re hurt bad. I - I can’t - we have to.”

Harry tried to sit up to protest, but that only made the pain radiate again, and he flinched, whimpering. “Just say I used a toy or summat.”

Louis winced. “With no toy to show for it?”

Harry faltered. “Then-,”

“I’ll take care of it,” Louis kissed his lips fleetingly. “I’m so, so sorry, Hazza. I - this is all my fault.”

“It’s not,” Harry whispered, but Louis was already tugging on pants and running out into the hall. Somehow, Harry managed to pull a cover over his body before the door opened again.

“Harry?” Anne asked in a calmer voice than he’d been expecting. “Harry, can I come in?”

“Mhmm,” Harry bit his lip as he shifted the wrong way.

Louis and Anne walked through the door. Louis was biting on his fist furiously, eyes running over Harry as if there were more injuries.

Anne glanced around the room, and her face fell. She knelt by the bed, careful to keep a good distance between her and Harry, thankfully.

“Louis told me what happened,” Anne said, glancing at Louis standing behind Harry. Small sniffled could be heard, so Harry assumes he was crying as well now. Somehow, that made him feel a little better.

“‘M sorry,” Harry closed his eyes, not able to look at his mum right now. Embarrassment was eating him alive. He was too young. He never should have done this.

“Don’t be ashamed, Harry. It - it’s okay. I just need to know - was it...consensual or-,”

“Obviously!” Harry snapped, but the sudden movement made his legs kick and it was like his hole tore open even wider. A small gasp escaped him, and that was followed by a whimper from behind him.

“Did you boys use condoms? Lubrication? Any of that?” Anne asked, again looking around the room.

“N-no,” Louis stammered from behind him. “Were we - is that why I hurt him? Oh my god. Fuck. Harry, I’m so sorry!” Louis cried even harder. Harry really wanted to comfort him, but any movement seemed to make the pain pulse again.

“It’s okay,” Harry winced.

“It’s really not,” Anne sighed, and Louis began to sob.

“Mum!”

Anne gasped. “No! Louis, I didn’t mean this is your fault! This - well, it’s a lot of people’s fault. You two should have been better educated. If I had known you two were even considering - oh fuck.”

His mum never cursed.

“Harry, let’s get you into the car. If you’re bleeding through the sheet, I think you need to see a doctor. Louis, dear, some help?”

Within a second, Louis was beside Anne. He’d pulled on Harry’s jumper. “I’ve got you, Hazza,” he mumbled despite his clogged voice and red eyes. Anne offered to help, but Louis lifted Harry up swiftly. He didn’t seem to have much trouble holding him. It made the situation much better, even if every step sent stabs of pain through his body. He helped Harry lie down on us stomach in the back seats, and Anne tossed a robe into the back before climbing into the driver’s seat.

“Louis, it might be best-,”

“No!” Louis blurted. “Can I come? Please. I - I have to come.”

Anne looked like she really wanted to say no but something inside her made her whole body release pent up tension. “Hurry then.”

It took forever to be seen. He entire time, Harry sat on a round cushion the nurse called a ‘donut,’ which Harry found a little amusing. Louis and Anne did not. It helped still the pain to the point it was only pulsing.

Louis lied and said he was Harry’s brother, which made Anne groan in discomfort. Regardless, Louis went back into the curtained off area with Harry and Anne.

The entire time, he clutched at Harry’s hand.

The doctor said he’d be fine within a few days of putting on anti-bacterial ointment on it. He said the tear would likely open up with larger bowel movements and gave him medicine to ‘soften’ his stool. Next, he gave Harry three pamphlets about safe sex, safe gay sex, and STI’s. And finally, he talked with his mum privately as the nurse gave him some ointment and said he could keep the donut to sit on.

Jay was waiting for them when they got home. She looked furious. The moment she saw Louis, she yanked him away from Harry and smacked him endlessly on the head.

“You daft cow! Harry is so much younger than you! You never should-,”

“It was my idea!” Harry blurted. Louis looked at him with confusion, but it disappeared when Jay hit him again. “I swear. He did nothing wrong.”

“Nothing wrong?” Jay laughed humorlessly. She glanced at Anne, and they sighed. “Well, you both did a few things wrong, I believe. Sit.”

Anne and Jay stood pacing as Louis and Harry huddled near each other on the couch. If Louis was still holding his hand, that was beside the point.

Talking in a much calmer voice, Jay huffed, “To start the list, you boys should have told us you were together. We trusted you both.”

Louis’ mouth gaped, and Harry felt the same because they weren’t together. Really. But it definitely didn’t help their cases by saying that.

“Lou, love, I didn’t even know you liked boys,” Jay smiled sweetly, bending down to press a kiss to his forehead.

“Heh,” Louis ran a hand through his hair. “I’m gay. Surprise?”

She shrugged. “Not really.”

Anne continued on. “Secondly, you should have been using condoms and lube. You can read in the pamphlets, but the fact is there is no natural lubrication.”

Harry winced, hiding his face in Louis’ shoulder. “Mum, please. We won’t ever do this again.”

“Ever,” Louis nodded furiously, stiff as a board.

“Can we please not have this talk?”

Anne crossed her arms. “Oh we’re having it.”

“For fuck’s sake have neither of you seen porn?” Jay threw her hands in the air. “As shitty as it is, it at least shows that you have to prepare before!”

Harry and Louis finally had a turn to look smug. “Our only computer is in the girl’s room,” Louis huffed.

“And ours is in your room,” Harry said.

“DVD’s you twats!”

Anne chuckled uncomfortably. “Listen, boys, I’m not going to say sex is a bad thing, but you really should be ready for it. The fact that neither of you knew to use lubrication, and probably that you should wash thoroughly-,”

“Oh god, both of you wash your hands,” Jay cursed.

“It makes me think you aren’t ready for this. Just, please, think-,”

“Mum!” Harry shouted. “Like I said. We are never doing this again! Can we be done now?”

Louis glanced at him for half a second before nodding. Jay seemed unconvinced, but Anne agreed.

“Alright then,” Anne said. “Say goodnight and -,”

“But Louis was supposed to stay-,”

“NO.”

Louis wasn’t allowed to stay over after that unless one of the other boys were with them. Their parents continued to think they were together. For whatever reason, they didn’t find it necessary to correct them.

Harry wondered if the same thing would happen as the last time they kissed. He stayed up all that night not out of pain, but out of fear that he’d lose Louis again.

He was proven wrong the next morning when he woke to the sound of Louis screaming in his ear.

“Whyyy?” Harry groaned tiredly. He’d just fallen asleep not more than an hour ago.

“Get up, you big baby,” Louis sat on the edge of his bed.

“No.”

“Come on. I deserve a good morning kiss for how amazing I made you feel last night,” Louis protested in smug seriousness. Harry finally sat up, eyes narrowing at Louis, who was fighting the urge to laugh.

“You’re an arsehole,” Harry huffed, getting into his knees to keep from sitting on his bum.

Louis finally broke character. “Sorry,” he grinned, leaning forward and pecking Harry’s lips like it was a completely normal thing to do. Harry blinked in surprise. “Still hurting?”

It took him a moment to respond. “Yes.”

“How bad?”

He rolled his eyes. “Like the time you didn’t shit in an entire week because you can’t go unless you’re here or home.”

“Hey! I was seven!” Louis glared, shoving his shoulder. Harry beamed as he got off the bed to throw on some clothes. He could feel Louis watching him. “I really do feel bad.” Harry shrugged. “Let’s do whatever you want to do today, okay?”

“Movie day?”

Louis nodded. “I can do that. Sure you can sit for that long?”

Harry flashed him his middle finger. “I’m sitting on your lap.”

“Oi! Don’t get any ideas now!”

“I don’t think I ever will again,” Harry shuddered, butt clenching in pain just at the memory. Louis laughed grimly. They ventured down to the living room, which seemed to make Anne happier. Louis jumped on the couch and kicked his feet up along with him. Eyes full of mischief, he patted his lap. “You’re smug.”

“Always am,” Louis grabbed Harry and pulled him on top of him. After a few minutes of shifting around, Harry managed to find comfort in lying on top of Louis, even if it seemed like he’d squish him. Luckily, they were more or less the same size. “Alright. Grease first and then whatever you want.”

“Why Grease first?”

“Because it’s Grease, Harry! Catch on, love!”

It was different. Things were different. Louis was different. Maybe it was out of pity, or maybe it was some unknown reason, but he paid more attention to Harry. Not that he hadn’t before, but he was...gentler. He cuddled more, and he was quite handsy. And he kissed him. That was definitely absolutely new. It was only pecks, but it was enough to send Harry’s whole body flushing bright red with heat.

Yeah. He could get used to that.


	2. As Teens

When they told their friends what happened, Niall wouldn’t stop laughing. It got to the point that Harry was starting to feel embarrassed, so Louis stepped up and hit him in the balls. That got him to shut up really fast.

Zayn asked why they did it. Louis shrugged and said it sounded fun. Harry didn’t answer because he knew they’d hear the lie in his voice.

Liam said they could borrow his laptop if they wanted to check out porn and more informative sights. He said they’d flag the sights Zayn and he used to figure out what was needed. Louis and Harry both protested, but he insisted.

“The next time you all can be alone together,” he snickered. All of them knew they weren’t actually together. Harry wished he wouldn’t be reminded of that so often.

Their parents didn’t exactly trust them much after that, so they luckily didn’t have to deal with Liam’s offer for a while. It was after Louis turned sixteen and Harry turned fourteen before they were left alone for longer than an hour. And Louis, of course, let it slip.

It was because he was thinking about throwing a party the weekend his family went to visit Jay’s parents. He couldn’t go because of another football game on Saturday. Jay suggested he stay with Mark, but Louis hadn’t stayed with Mark since he admitted he was gay. Mark still didn’t know he was gay. So, Jay told Anne to check in on Louis at home...when he wasn’t already over at their house. At first, Louis was going to have half the school over for a drunken party.

That was when Liam pointed out that Anne would most definitely tell Jay, and Harry confirmed that notion. Dejectedly, he put his plans to rest.

“Why don’t you two try out porn? You’ve got to be curious,” Liam suggested.

“Why didn’t you just let us have it separately?” Louis questioned, eyebrow raising. Liam looked red in the face as he shrugged.

“You two do everything together. Figured this would be the same.”

So Harry told his mum all five of them were sleeping over at Liam’s house. Liam did in fact have Zayn and Niall over, and his parents were so busy they really didn’t know what was going on, so when Harry’s mum called and checked, Liam’s mum said that they’d be there.

When Harry snuck over to Louis’ house, Louis had everything set up on his bed. Louis was bouncing with energy. “I found a few that look good. If you, um, want to check out straight sex, then, like we can-,”

Harry waved a hand. “We both like guys. Let’s watch that.” So they settled back on the bed, both on their stomachs, most likely to hide a boner, were it to happen.

Porn wasn’t as good as Harry had been expecting. It was cool, he supposed, but it seemed so fake. Having tried sex once, and failing at it, he knew things weren’t so perfect.

“Do you think we messed up because I should have bottomed? All the bottoms have big bums,” Louis pouted dejectedly. Harry snorted.

“You do look like, er, a twink. Now. I was smaller when we tried,” Harry frowned. Louis hadn’t grown in a while, and Harry was slowly but surely growing. He was an inch taller than Louis, but there was no way he wouldn’t grow more. “I do know I’m never bottoming again.”

Louis laughed, watching the clip that Liam had chosen for them. This one showed how they opened up his hole and all kinds of things they didn’t even bother doing.

If Harry had wanted, he easily could have wanked off to this much faster than he did with magazines. But he wasn’t sure if that was okay, so he stayed painfully hard pressing into the bed.

After they went through a good amount of clips, Louis chuckled. “We did a shite job, looking back at it.”

“Definitely,” Harry agreed.

“This sucks.”

“What does?”

Louis rolled to his side and gestured to his dick. “I’m fucking hard now.”

Harry blinked. “Yeah. So am I.”

Louis glanced at Harry, to his own pants, and back to the two guys moaning on the laptop. “Well. I’m going to have a wank. Don’t mind me.”

Harry sputtered. “What?

Louis shrugged. “You’ve seen my dick. I’m hard and want to cum. Watch if you want. I don’t care.”

Without more notice, Louis shrugged out of his trousers and pants and moved to the back of the bed. He took the laptop with him, so Harry was forced to follow. One look at Louis’ dainty hand around his lovely cock made Harry pout. “If you get to wank, I do, too.”

“Be my guest,” Louis grunted.

So Harry took off his clothes and grabbed his dick as well. The porn was definitely helpful. What was more helpful was the little grunts Louis kept making. Harry started to look more at Louis than the laptop.

“You’re doing it wrong,” Louis grunted.

“What?”

“Here. Let me,” Louis let go of his dick and grabbed Harry’s. It was probably the last thing Harry had been expecting. His grip was firm, and he had a different rhythm than Harry, and it was absolutely amazing.

“Fuck,” Harry groaned, and without thinking about it, he reached over and wrapped his hand around Louis, making sure to let his palm rub over his head.

Louis’ eyes closed and a soft moan escaped his lips. “You - you’re - ah, yes, just - gonna cum-,”

“Not yet,” Harry huffed, eyes watching the way Louis’ hand looked so small as he ran up and down his shaft.

“What? Harry, I -,”

“Hold it,” Harry grunted. Louis’ head whipped around, but a slow, hot smile was working its way onto Harry’s lips.

“Harryyy,” Louis whimpered, body tensing as he thrust up into his hand. “Please.”

Harry gasped at the sound of his raspy voice. “Now. Cum now.”

Louis screamed as he came almost instantly. His mouth dropped open in the most delectable image Harry had ever seen. He came harder than he’d ever come in his life.

They both fell back on the bed. The only reason Harry was shaken out of the white haze was the screams (that now sounded far too faked) from the laptop. With a groan, he sat up and slammed it shut.

“That was fun,” Louis chirped, crawling over and wrapping his arms around Harry from behind. A blissed-out grin made its way onto his lips. Then, his fingers started tickling Harry.

“Louuuuu,” Harry giggled, falling back onto Louis. Louis turned and then, their lips were together, but it wasn’t a peck. Louis was kissing him. It was better than Harry remembered, enough to make him spin around and press his hands to either side of Louis’ face.

Harry licked along Louis’ lips, letting their bodies slot together. A whine escaped Louis’ mouth, but Harry captured it with a kiss. In a spur decision, Harry pulled back, eyes raking over Louis.

He was beautiful. His cheeks were more defined, and his eyes were ever so bright. Then, he but his tiny red lips, and it sent Harry crazy. Deftly, he bent down and latched his lips onto Louis’ neck, sucking a dark mark into his skin alongside the whines and whimpers Louis made. His fingers clawed at Harry’s back, freshly hardened boners rutting against each other.

Louis’ hands snaked down between them, rubbing against both of them together. It made Harry’s head spin. A hot coil spun its way into his stomach.

Then, Louis flipped them around and straddled Harry. It gave him a perfect opportunity to run his hands down his back and grip his bum.

“Fuck, Lou,” Harry groaned as Louis rolled his hips into him. Without thinking about it, he raised his hand and smacked his bum hard. Louis jumped, but a grin appeared.

“Again, Haz. Please - ah!”

Harry gave him another smack, and then white spread across Harry’s chest as Louis fell on top of him. He numbly continued rolling against Harry.

“So hot, Haz. You’re so-,”

“Fuck, Lou,” Harry came with a shout, pulling Louis tightly against him.

Lips pecking his cheeks, Louis chuckled, brushing curls away from Harry’s face. Harry whined, bucking his hips to try and get Louis’ lips off his face. It was tickling him.

“Better.”

“Better?” Louis voiced. Somehow, he didn’t sound like he’d been fucked out. Harry’s voice was still deeper than ever.

“Without the porn.”

Louis laughed. So did Harry. Once they got some water, they spent the rest of the night downloading pirated videos on Liam’s computer and watching them. He’d kill them, but they figured it was payback for not mentioning that sex didn’t just happen.

The problem with spending two whole days kissing and wanking each other off was it was kind of hard to stop.

Louis had a footie game the following Friday evening. As usual, Harry, Liam, Zayn, and Niall all went. Harry and Louis hadn’t gotten to hang out since Monday night when they watched dinner and a movie with Louis’ sisters. So when Louis ran onto the field, Harry’s heart skipped a beat or two. It was no big deal.

“Harry!” Liam said excitedly as he took a seat between him and Zayn. They were in the lower sections of the bleachers, but it wasn’t too crowded due to the light pattering of rain coming down. “How was the porn?”

Harry snorted, hiding his laughter behind his hand as Zayn smacked him lightly on the chest.

“Jesus,” Niall shook his head. “You can’t just blurt that out there, mate!”

Liam shrugged and gestured at Harry as Louis was pulled from the game for a break. Now their full attentions were on him. “Uh, it was prob. Great stuff? I dunno.”

Liam frowned. “That’s not the reaction I was hoping for.”

“How did you two go about sharing it?” Niall giggled. Harry swore his Irish accent made it possible for him to giggle endlessly. It was a nice giggle. Not as good as Louis’ but still. “When I found porn, me da’ had to pull me away just to get me to eat.”

“You always eat,” Zayn mumbled in awe. Niall nodded with emphasis. Harry’s cheeks turned red, and his head immediately snapped toward the pitch in hopes of finding a distraction.

Of course, he did. In Louis’ bum. His shorts had to be too little. It was the only explanation as to why his bottom looked so big. He really wanted Harry to die.

“Look! Louis’ back in!”

It only took Harry leaning forward and not-so-sneakily moving his hand to shift himself in his trousers for Liam to gasp.

“Oh my god! Something happened, didn’t it?”

Harry scoffed. “I have no idea what you’re talking about. We - go Lou go!”

Louis was hurdling down the pitch, spinning away from players when needed. It was enchanting to watch, and soon the whole group was standing up and cheering him on. As the ball sailed above the goalie’s shoulder, Harry screamed.

Louis turned around as his team swarmed him. He looked at Harry, beaming at the show Harry was giving by jumping up and down and cheering. His team began to tackle him to the ground, but before he fell, he winked at Harry.

“Holy fuck,” Zayn whispered. “Something did happen.”

“What?” Niall asked through a mouthful of sour candies. “Between who?”

“Haz and Lou,” Liam supplied. He grabbed Harry and forced him around to look at him. “Well? Gonna share? Did you finally tell him you’ve been madly in love with him since the beginning of time?”

Harry pouted. “You make me sound pathetic.”

“Eh. It was getting there,” Niall shrugged. “When he was all homophobic? Yeah, we were concerned.”

“Then after the hole ‘he tore your arsehole apart’ thing we didn’t know what to think,” Zayn mused.

Harry smacked a hand to his face. Niall elbowed him, and then he wouldn’t stop poking him. And it was just that he’d been keeping it in for so long, and here they were. It wouldn’t hurt to get some advice on the matter.

“We messed around, alright?” Harry spoke into his hand. “We snogged and wanked each other off. Happy now?”

They blinked, and then Niall gave him a fist bump that Harry refused to do. “So...does this mean I’m officially the fifth wheel?”

The game was almost over, thankfully. “I don’t have a clue.”

“That’s Lou and Hazza code for yes,” Zayn said. “Oh look! We won!”

Harry gasped, only just then realizing the timer went off. Louis’ team celebrated briefly, but they won by three points, so it wasn’t that crazy.

He didn’t know what he was expecting when Louis came running at him and his friends, but he certainly didn’t see Louis jumping into his arms as an option. Granted, Harry caught him easily, a little warning would have been nice.

Louis pressed a big, long kiss to his lips. “I scored two goals,” he said, leaning back and toying with the buttons of Harry’s shirt. He was only able to do that because both of Harry’s hands were gripping his beautiful, toned bum. So, while holding heaven in his hands, Harry beamed.

“I saw,” Harry said. “Great playing, Lou! Proper footwork and all that!”

Louis snorted, shoving his hair back over his face. “Shove off, love. You won’t ever speak proper footie slang.”

“Why not?” Harry gasped, feigning to be hurt. Meanwhile, he was pretty sure his friends were staring with mouths so wide open they’d catch flies. Ignoring them, Harry pecked Louis again on the lips.

It would never get old.

“Too gay for it,” Louis snickered, knowing fully well that of the two of them, Harry was literally the straighter of them. It was too funny to Louis, and to Harry, and even to their friends once they found their voices.

“Not far off there,” came the chilling voice from behind them. Harry stiffened, not wanting to ever turn around. He hadn’t heard that voice since the night Louis three a condom at him. “Is the gayness spreading then? Even got Tommo...though he always had been a weak link.”

Louis jolted, diving out of Harry’s arms and probably making a mess of his life if it hadn’t been for Harry restraining him. He still managed to get down on his feet.

“Mind your mouth, Stan,” Louis sneered. He was alone, for once. When Louis left that friend group, there was a minor ruckus, Harry was told. Louis claimed Stan gave him far too many reasons, so when he made some horrid slur about Zayn and Liam, Harry threw fists. Stan hadn’t spoken or even looked at him since.

Stan chuckled, eyes clinging to the protective stance Louis took in front of Harry, even if Harry was simultaneously holding on to Louis to ensure he didn’t get in a fight today.

“You disgust me, Louis. Tell your dad what you’ve been up to with blowjob-lipped Styles here?”

Louis’ fists clenched. Of course he hadn’t. He knew what the reaction would be. He hadn’t spoken to Mark in a long time in general.

“Yeah. That’s what I thought. He’d be so proud.”

Suddenly, Louis lunged forward and nearly broke away from Harry, but he managed to tackle him to the ground before he touched Stan.

“Leave,” Liam growled. Liam was at least much bigger than Stan. He took a step forward, and Stan held his hands up in surrender with a laugh before he walked away muttering slurs under his breath.

“I hate him,” Louis fought against Harry once more. He was so angry tears were in his eyes. Harry was on top of him, pressing his shoulders down until he was sure he was safe to let up. He still didn’t move though. “I hate him.”

“I know,” Harry whispered, searching those blindingly blue eyes. He wasn’t sure if ‘him’ was Stan or Mark. “They’re the disgusting ones.”

“Yeah,” Louis closed his eyes and took a big breath in. “Dammit, Harry, when did you get smarter than me?”

Harry cracked a smile seeing the way the tension finally left his features. “Always have been.”

“Fine. Now get off me, you giant frog.”

“Heyyy,” Harry pouted. Louis grinned before he darted upward and pressed his lips to Harry’s. When he pulled back, they just smiled knowingly at each other.

Zayn cleared his throat impatiently, and Niall kicked at them, so Harry finally got up and pulled Louis up as well. “Sooo are you two together?”

Louis and Harry glanced at each other and shrugged. “I’m hungry!” Louis shouted, flinging his arms around Zayn and Harry. The five of them continued to tease Harry and Louis as they exchanged quick pecks and cuddles all night long, but nobody truly cared. It was only one step farther than before for them.

Neither of them owning a personal laptop, Louis and Harry only found it mutually beneficial to sneakily help one another off. They were still young, and they only ever got fool around every couple of days due to their now a little intrusive mothers, so some heated snogging and handjobs always did the trick.

It was kind of an unspoken rule not to go further.

They didn’t get that much time alone, really, especially seeing as once Louis turned seventeen and Harry turned fifteen, it wasn’t very convincing when they said they were going to play in the treehouse.

So they snuck around. Louis was always good at evading people when necessary. It was both easier and riskier at the Tomlinson house. The girls and Ernest provided Jay and Daniel plenty of distractions, but that also meant it was much more likely that they’d be caught.

It was bound to happen sooner or later.

It was after one of Louis’ footie games that it finally happened. They were in Louis’ room after the boys left. By now, Jay had stopped hovering around them. She still thought they were dating. Maybe they were. Harry didn’t know. He didn’t feel the urge to ask as long as things didn’t change. He could hold back his obvious undying love for Louis for however long Louis desired.

“Can we have a celebration wank?” Louis crawled his way beside Harry.

He nodded eagerly. He wasn’t sure why he even bothered to ask. There hadn’t been a time yet that either of them had turned the other down for a wank.

Their lips crashed together in a way that was now familiar. It was all rough edges and eager tongues and little nips. It wasn’t long before they sat with their backs against the headboard and hands working fast at the other’s dicks. Louis let out a delicious moan, head burying in the crook of Harry’s neck. Every now and then, he’d give little nips and suck a mark or two into his skin, but they’d created a pattern now. Without kissing, the angle was better. They could wank much more efficiently.

“Fuck, Lou,” Harry’s hips bucked upward, and Louis chuckled happily. He always did this thing with hit thumb, rubbing over his slit while still majoring his speed. It was something Harry could never do.

“Why don’t you just blow each other?”

Louis and Harry both screamed, jumping apart and scrambling to hide under the covers.

“This might be weirder than if I had walked in on you two actually fucking,” Lottie pinched the bridge of her nose as she shut the door and walked further into the room.

“Lottie! Leave!” Louis screeched. Harry grabbed two pillows and shoved them onto their laps, hurriedly moving his hand away from Louis’.

“No way,” she laughed, moving to sit on the bottom of the bed, but she paused. “Is it safe here?”

“Oh my god,” Harry groaned, hiding his face in his hands.

“I’ll take it as a yes,” Lottie said and sat down. “So. Why were you all wanking each other off? There’s about a thousand other things better to do.”

“For fuck’s sake, Lots. None of your business!”

“I-,”

“We were getting there, so if you’d please just leave!”

Lottie laughed, standing up with her hands in the air. “Yeah right. I’ve had sex, Lou. Once you’ve done, well, anything past a hand job, you never voluntarily go back.”

“Lottie,” Harry winced. “As your best friend, I beg of you to leave. And never speak of this again.”

She looked between them contemplatively. “I dunno. I feel like this is good payback for Louis stealing my friend.”

“Lottie,” Louis growled, his voice raspy and rough, and unfortunately it made Harry still insanely hard dick jump right back to life. He stifled a whimper, desperate not to be feeling any of this with Lottie around.

“Didn’t even ask me if it was okay to take a shot at Harry. Speaking of, does this mean you’re actually together? I know Mum thinks so.”

Louis threw his hands in the air. “Fine. Just remember. This is your stubborn fault.”

“What-,”

Suddenly, Louis turned, threw off the covers, and straddled Harry, arse bared and all. He kissed him like Lottie wasn’t there. He kissed him and bucked his hips into Harry’s and there was no way Harry couldn’t respond.

“Oh gross! Ah! I’m leaving! I’m leaving!”

She slammed the door, but things were already set in motion. Harry gave his bum a firm smack before pulling back just enough to speak.

“Getting there, were we?” He nipped at Louis’ lip.

Louis whined, chasing Harry’s lips with desperation. “Wanted her gone.”

Harry huffed, scrunching his nose as he pulled away completely. “Why don’t we do more, Lou? Why haven’t we?”

Louis bit his lip. “I dunno. I just...I don’t want to hurt you again.”

It made Harry’s heart skip a beat. He pulled Louis closer, a happy smile on his lips. “We’ll be careful.”

Louis gulped, hesitantly nodding. “Um, what will we be doing?”

Harry shrugged, hands massaging into his amazing arse. “Can I try blowing you?” Louis let a small breath of air out, almost in relief. Harry pecked him softly on the lips. “Only if you’re okay with that.”

“A-absolutely,” Louis stammered. “I - fuck.”

Harry beamed. He’d been wanting to do so much more with Louis. Like professing his love and marrying him. Or this. This was great, too. He just hadn’t known if this was okay. Before, it was about getting each other off since neither of their families had enough money to get them laptops. Now, Harry had no idea, but Lottie did provide him with the perfect opportunity.

When Harry got down there, he at least didn’t feel extremely lost. He was quite familiar with Louis’ cock. Experimentally, he gave a kitten lick to his head. Louis took a sharp breath of air in. Upon finding that his soft skin was kind of find to taste, especially with the pre-cum oozing out of his slit, Harry decided he liked this a lot.

He wrapped his lips around the head, tongue flicking at the top before he sucked more into his mouth. “Yea-yeah, Harry,” Louis groaned. His small hands wound their way into his curls, tugging ever so softly. It felt good, so good, and Harry sort of moaned around his dick as he sucked him more into his mouth. “Again. Ugh. Please.”

Harry decided he loved hearing Louis beg. His voice got all high and scratchy. He’d do anything to hear that, so he hummed a little, and then Louis pushed his head down further.

“Gonna - Haz!”

When he came, it was loud and long and tasted warm and a little salty. The texture was surprising, even though he knew exactly what cum felt like. He swallowed it all eagerly, gagging more than he’d like to admit.

“God, that was amazing,” Louis groaned. “So good at that.”

Harry shuffled upward, giving Louis a beaming kiss. “Really fun.”

Louis snorted, finally opening his eyes. With a wiggle of his eyebrows, he whispered, “Let me have a go then.”

“You don’t-,”

But Louis’ mouth was already capturing Harry in it. It was more than Harry had ever imagined a blowjob would be. Hands pressing his hips down, tongue running up his vein, pushing as far as Louis dared...it was so much. As Harry lifted his hips a little, Louis made a cute little gagging sound, and that did it. Harry came quickly, without any warning, but Louis just hummed and swallowed. A little dribbled our onto his lips, but he licked it up and smacked his lips.

A grin spread its way onto his lips, like he knew he did a good job, but Harry still tackled him in a hug and kissed him slower than they’d ever kissed before.

“Who would have thought that smartarse mouth could do such wonderful things?”

Louis laughed so hard he forced Harry to hold him down so he wouldn’t fall off the bed. It took them both a long time to stop laughing, and by then they were exhausted. With his head resting on Harry’s chest, he whispered pleading words, “Stay over.”

Harry combed his hands through his hair. “My mum...” The idea was almost visible as it formed in Louis’ head. His hand then darted out and grabbed Harry’s phone. “What-?”

Louis snapped a picture of himself cuddled up in Harry’s arms with the classic Louis face. The caption he sent along with that picture to Anne read, “already blew your son earlier today, so the damage has been done! can he stay over now? love you, mum - Louis xx0”

He sent it and tossed the phone to Harry’s side. It took a moment for the catastrophe of that text to set in. “Louis!”

“What?”

“I hate you,” Harry groaned, already feeling the vibrations as his mum called him.

“No you don’t,” he said in a sing song voice as he watched Harry redress and get his clothes on.

He really wish he hated him.

Time went on fast after that. It was almost like Harry had Louis. When people asked, they both shrugged and then proceeded to stand a little bit closer. Louis never hesitated to show the same amount of PDA at school as at the house, even if Harry was two years below him.

It was almost like he had Louis, but almost wasn’t enough. Harry still had to hold back things. He couldn’t say certain things, and he couldn’t post any pictures of them together. He couldn’t risk planning his future alongside Louis in case they weren’t actually together.

Despite it all, Harry refused to break the silence. Whatever they had worked. When Louis wanted to, and if, they’d make it official.

When Louis turned eighteen, a few things happened.

Mark said he’d give him university funds if he started speaking to him again. Secondly, Louis, Zayn, and Liam bought a flat together in London.

It was two hours away from Harry.

Granted, Louis now had saved up enough while working as a kids footie referee to own a motorcycle. However, with the funds he’d be getting from Mark, Harry knew he’d have enough to buy a laptop. If anything else, he’d be able to use Liam’s.

That meant there was no reason for him to come back to Harry most of the time.

“Will you come with me to see Mark?”

Harry hadn’t been expecting that. “Mark hates me. Don’t you want to get his money?”

Louis shifted from foot to foot. “Please?”

Like usual, Harry couldn’t refuse. He rode with Louis to Mark’s house. It was run down and smelled like mold when they entered. Mark was not pleased to see Harry, but he let them in anyways.

“Harry Styles. Become famous yet?” Mark chortled like it was the funniest thing he’d ever heard before.

“No sir,” Harry said, eying the dishes piled in the sink. Mark me a ‘hmph’ sound at the word sir. Yeah, Harry was shocked he was able to be polite to him, as well. His eyes seemed to follow him, so Harry glanced at Louis to make sure he’d be okay. A curt nod told him that, yes, he could handle himself, but he definitely wouldn’t be okay by the end of this.

“I’ll just be on your porch,” Harry said, leaving them on the couch. He’d meant to close the front door, truly, but it didn’t shut completely. Their conversation began, so they clearly hadn’t noticed. Therefore, Harry couldn’t shut down his curiosity enough to shut the door.

Mark asked about superficial things first.

“How’s football?”

“Good. Gonna play for a pre-professional team.”

“Your mum?”

“Going to be single soon, but don’t get your hopes up. She still hates you.”

“Right. That’s what me girls say.”

It wasn’t meant to be a big question, but it was.

“Got yourself a bird then?”

Harry tensed. He could only imagine the fear pulsing inside Louis. He surely had no idea how to answer this. Harry didn’t. A million possibilities ran through his mind. Would Louis lie? Would he avoid the question all together? Would he create some crazy girlfriend? Would he have a panic attack? Would he cry?

“No.”

Well, that was the truth. With a dull realization, Harry realized a small part of him had hoped Louis would have told him the truth. Then again, what was the truth? Why would you go about explaining how you got off with your best mate but weren’t dating him to a homophobic prat?

“Hmm. See you’re friends with the faggot still,” Mark snorted. “I’ll hand it to ya, son. You’re more accepting than me. Could never stand to be around those fuckers. Always prancing around like we owe them shite.” Mark laughed humorlessly. “Guess it’s good. You’ll be a public figure and all if you make it. Now a days, you can get beat up for speaking your opinion.”

Harry was two seconds away from bursting inside and tearing him apart. He’d love to show him just how much he could get beat up for saying even a fraction of any of that. Before he could react, Louis cleared his throat.

“You really should have let me finish, Mark,” he spat, never once having used his name before. “I don’t have a girlfriend because Harry’s my boyfriend.”

Harry’s hot anger ran ice cold.

“You’re a disgrace of a human being - putting people down for loving someone, a feat you’ll never be able to possess with such hatred in your heart. Keep your lousy, lonely money. I’m glad you’re not me real dad - I’d much rather have an immature runaway as a father than an ignore homophobe.”

Louis didn’t wait for a response. There probably wasn’t one coming. However, when Louis stormed outside and shoved Harry toward his motorcycle, Mark stood in the doorway, face screwed in disgust and arms crossed.

“You’re so brave,” Harry blurted once they got to his bike. Louis snorted. “Seriously, Louis. I - I’m so proud.”

Louis blinked rapidly, hurriedly buckling his helmet on with his back facing Mark, who was still watching them.

“Really? Because I feel like I’m about to cry.”

Harry bit his lip. Then, seeing no reason not to, he grabbed Louis forward by the shirt and kissed him. It wasn’t the most PDA they’d shown before, but it was definitely chalked up a bit. Harry even reached around and pulled Louis against him by his waist, making sure to leave his middle finger up for Mark to see. When Harry bit Louis’ lip, making the older boy whimper, they finally separated.

That didn’t mean he didn’t cry. He cried a lot that night. He cried enough to convince Anne to let him stay over. The entire night, Harry held him, singing sweet songs into his ear. Every song was a love song, but Louis probably missed that.

Neither of them addressed the fact that Louis called Harry his boyfriend. That could wait. Luckily, it gave Harry’s eh courage to whisper the only words that ever comforted Louis in the past.

“It’s okay, Lou. You don’t need him. We only need each other. Forever.”

“Promise?”

“Promise.”

The day Louis moved was rough. Harry knew he was lucky the pre-pro team in London took him, but he didn’t feel lucky. He felt trapped. He felt alone. He felt left behind.

This time, Harry cried, and Louis was right there, pressing soft kisses to his cheeks and promising he’d visit as much as possible.

“I know what empty promises sound like, Lou,” Harry whispered, voice somehow impossibly deeper than normal. “My dad said that. Then he went and started a whole new family.”

He hadn’t left Harry behind, but he’d definitely pushed him aside.

Louis flung his arms around Harry’s neck and hugged him so tightly they couldn’t breathe. “You’re my family, Hazza. You’re my everything,” Louis wiped a tear from his cheeks. “That’s not possible.”

Harry wiped at his nose and nodded. Then, in front of everyone waiting to see Louis, he wrapped his arms around Harry’s neck and kissed him in a hungry, passionate fashion. It was so sudden and hot and his hands were tugging on his curls that Harry could feel his dick perking to life in seconds. When Lottie threw a shoe at them, Harry released his hold on Louis hips that would leave bruises. Louis winked, licking his red lips as he hissed, “I’ll definitely be back to finish what we started, love.”

Then he was gone. Liam had taken his stuff in his car, so all Louis had was himself and that dangerous bike that made his bum look fantastic. It was fantastic.

Things were hard after that. They turned bleak very fast. After having worked at the bakery over summer and recently, Harry saved up enough for a phone, even if it was just an old button only phone. Louis did, too. So they texted. A lot. 

It was still so different.

Niall came over often. He was mourning the loss of overly-happy Harry along with Zayn and his video game obsession.

But the issue was that Louis was two hours away. It was four hours of travel time that could have been spent on practicing or sleeping. His team trained as hard as any pro football team, and any time Louis offered to come back for a day, Harry would ask if he had practice the following day, and then Harry would say no. He didn’t want Louis slipping up and hurting himself in practice on his account. He could wait.

There was a few weekends that he came back, and those were amazing. He’d hardly let Harry leave his side. It made things a little better each time.

It was a little after Harry turned seventeen that he got another growth spurt. He was finally starting to lose his baby fat. It was almost perfect timing, too. He was able to finish his schooling a year early. Niall finished alongside him. So when Louis said for Harry to come visit them over the summer holiday, he found no reason to say no.

His mum didn’t protest, but she did shove a bottle of lube and condoms into his hands by the train station.

“Mum!” Harry gaped, shoving them into his bag and ignoring the weird looks he was getting.

“Please be careful,” she smiled knowingly. “And tell Lou I said no proposals until you’re a good bit out of school, thank you!”

Harry scoffed. “How dare you offend me, Mum? Obviously, I’ll be the one proposing!”

This time, things were different. He always got excited to see Louis, especially when they spent so much time apart now, but he felt like he could hardly breathe as the train slowed to a stop. His hands were shaking so much he dropped his bag a few times as he stumbled through the crowd.

Even with his extra height, he couldn’t spot Louis, but it wasn’t needed because he was quickly tackled from behind as Louis jumped onto his back.

“What the fuck? How can one baby boy grow so much in a few months! Unfair!”

Harry chuckled, half-dragging Louis over to a less public corner of the train station before he finally shrugged him off. When Harry spun around, his heart literally stopped.

The thing was that Louis was in legging. Not joggers. Fucking bright pink leggings. As if he knew what effect he had on Harry, he did a little spin.

“It’s pride week here. Do you like my -?”

Harry cut him off by gripping his waist and slamming him back against the wall. His hands quickly slid down to grasp his bum that he’d missed so much, and then he kissed Louis so hard their lips would be bruised later. He tasted of vanilla and mint, and his tongue wasted no time in clashing against Harry’s with vigor.

“Wow. Trying to get my pants off before even saying hello. Who are you, Harry Styles?” Louis pulled away with a gasp, but his eyes were dark and blown wide. “For fuck’s sake! Have you been working out?” His hands squeezed around his newly defined bicep.

“Had a lot of time on my hands now that you weren’t around to bother me,” Harry smirked, licking his lips as he finally stepped away. Louis only followed, though.

“Bother you? Oh! Alright,” Louis threw his hands in the air and brushed past him. “You can just sleep on the couch then! And forget my surprise.”

Harry grabbed his bag and grinned wider than he had in months. He couldn’t believe he’d gone six months without seeing him. It was too long.

“You’re tiny, Lou. I can just pick you up when you’re sleeping and move you to the couch,” Harry bumped shoulders with him. “Now onto this surprise...”

“Nope! You have to wait!” Louis announced as he led the way to his motorcycle.

“I have a surprise for you, too,” Harry hummed as he strapped his bag to the large bike. “Well. It’s more of an idea. Or a question. Kind of up to you.”

Louis snorted and climbed on, patting behind him with emphasis. “Let’s hear it, lad.”

“I think it’d be best to save it for tonight.”

“What’s tonight?”

“The surprise.”

“I hate you.”

Harry bit his neck and held on tightly as Louis sped off toward his flat. Liam and Zayn were there when they arrived, which wasn’t surprising considering it was eight at night. They offered to take Harry out clubbing, which he politely declined. Only Louis knew it was because he was underage and would never risk breaking a rule. Besides, he just got to Louis and his friends. They had a lot of catching up to do.

That lasted until one in the morning, and by then it was far too late to bring up the subject, so Harry stumbled into the shower and fell on the bed, nearly squishing a sleeping Louis. They hadn’t been able to sleep together since Harry was thirteen. This felt monumental.

Within seconds, Harry wrapped his arms around Louis’ waist and buried his face into the crook of his neck. It made him jump, and his blue eyes opened to look at Harry.

“Scared me.”

“Sorry.”

“It’s okay,” Louis yawned, turning so he could properly face Harry. His eyes stayed closed, but his mouth spoke. “You’re just gonna have to fuck me to make up for it.”

And just.

“What the fuck, Lou?” Harry huffed. Louis’ eyes flew open, shocked at the outburst and loud noise. Harry sat up and pressed his elbows into his knees.

“Sorry?”

“That was my surprise! I was gonna ask, and now you’ve ruined it!” Harry pouted, angry at the one thing he had going for him being taken out from under him. Now he had nothing to surprise Louis with, as always.

“Well why didn’t you?” Louis chuckled, like it was all very funny to him.

“Because you were tired. And adorable. And I just wanted to cuddle.“

Louis’ hands that seemed so tiny grabbed at his shoulder. “Then come cuddle. You can ‘surprise’ me tomorrow.”

It only took his lips pressing soft kisses into his upper back to get Harry to fall back into bed. “How were you going to surprise me with that? Whip your dick out and shove it in? Because I believe we tried that before, and we both know that didn't work very - ow!”

Harry had elbowed him in the gut. “Shut up, Lou.”

“Alright,” he grinned, pecking his lips tiredly. He was half asleep when he mumbled. “Night, Haz. Love you.”

Harry could have frozen. He could have stopped breathing then and there. But it was Louis, and he said love you, and it wasn’t necessarily meant in any way more than friendly like they used to back before they started wanking each other off.

So Harry mumbled, “Love you, too, Lou.” If he meant it in a stronger way, nobody had to know.

Louis basically set up a perfect day exploring London. The weather was, as always, not on their side, but Harry still got to see so many places he’d only dreamed of. His favorite parts were the non-tourist parts, though. It was the small details in a city that he’d only dreamed of going to. He pointed out all the places he could play on the streets, and Louis nodded, telling him that on sunny days, there were many street performers. He even showed Harry a bakery he could try working at after school, to which Harry pinched his side in retaliation.

“What’s next?” Harry asked after lunch. Louis had this twinkle in his eye that he only got when he was hiding something. “What is it?”

“My surprise,” Louis blushed, offering up his hand. Today, they were wearing LGBTQ+ pride clothing. Louis had been preparing for this week, so he had a hoodie with the word ‘pride’ written in rainbow colors on it and these right joggers that were driving Harry crazy. Harry had hastily worn one of his night out outfits. He’d pouted that he wasn’t prepared, but Louis snorted and said that any of his non-lazy outfits were plenty flamboyant enough. So he wore a lose white button down unbuttoned nearly to his belly button and tight black jeans. Luckily, a rainbow colored scarf he bought on the streets didn’t hurt the outfit much.

Louis led him deep into the city, to a more populated area at the end of one of the pride festivals. Harry thought the surprise was the festival, but Louis wouldn’t let him stop at any of the booths.

“Now close your eyes,” he said before jumping on his back.

“Just because I’m taller now doesn’t mean I always have to carry you.”

“Sure it does!” Louis shouted, hands covering Harry’s eyes. Surprisingly, he was careful not to mess up Harry’s hair that was so artfully wrapped up in a scarf. “It’s like in ratatouille. I’ll pull your hair to drive you.”

“I’m not a toy to play with, Louis. You can’t ‘drive’ me.”

Louis snickered, his laugh like angelic little bells. “I dunno. I really like playing with your body. Might even ride you tonight. So yeah, I’d say your body is definitely me toy to play with.”

“Fuck you,” Harry huffed as his body filled with heat. As Louis wiggled, Harry reached down and adjusted his trousers.

"Precisely, Hazza. Precisely."

They ran into many people and nearly squished a few kids before finally making their way to Louis’ surprise. Harry opened his eyes to a huge red building with a giant black X on the front.

“What is this?”

“I did a thing.” Louis hopped down and stood in front of Harry, who crossed his arms and raised his eyebrows. “It’s kind of big. Um, so the producer owes Zayn a favor, and Zayn owes me loads of favors for cooking all the time-,”

“You can cook?” Harry gaped. “No. No way.”

Louis snorted. “Don’t be ridiculous, Harry. I order out and bring him pizza when he works late.”

“Oh. Thank God.”

“Anywayssss,” Louis tugged Harry away from the main entrance and toward the side. “I showed him some of your clips you sent me-,”

“I was half naked!”

“- and he said he’d hold a spot for you to audition today.” Louis took a deep breath. “I know you said you weren’t ready, but I swear you are. Plus, I made an interesting video, so you’ll definitely go on air. Even if they don’t take you, which they will, your gorgeous face will be known to the world! And mine.”

“No way, Louis,” Harry crossed his arms. “I said I’d think about going in the X factor when I was experienced!”

Louis waved a hand. “No one cares about that. Just, like, don’t freeze up, you know?”

“Pretty sure you have to be legal to go on!”

Louis winked. “I got your mum’s signature.”

Harry groaned. “I hate you both.”

“That’s the spirit!”

Just as Louis promised, the producer came and whisked them past the long line of people hoping for a chance to be picked. Harry felt dreadful. Not only was he going to make a fool of himself on there, but he was also using up someone else’s time, someone who could actually make it.

He’d always wanted to make it big. It started like any other little kid wanting to be a pop star. As he got older and found that he actually had a decent voice, the pop star goal turned into a rock star goal. He’d planned on working his way up in the industry. He knew he’d struggle for most likely many years. This wasn’t in the plan, not at least until he’d had more gigs than a few school things and church.

He had to sign a few things, which Louis always followed up with an uncannily similar signature to his mum’s signature. Then, they waited in the giant room with hundreds of other people preparing to go on stage.

“What song am I going to sing?”

Louis fiddled with his hair. “One of your originals. Probably acapella.”

“Why acapella?”

“Because I didn’t bring a track for any of your songs.”

Harry groaned, crumpling to rest his head in Louis’ lap. He closed his eyes and hummed to one of his better songs. He really had no idea which one would impress them, if any would. This was a nightmare.

“If I become a laughing stock of London, I’m not fucking you tonight,” Harry mumbled, though the threat in his voice was decreased as Louis rolled his fingers trough his curls, making his whole body relax.

“Of course you are. You’ll have no choice since nobody else will have you!”

Harry scrunched his nose. Normally, he’d laugh. Louis’ witty comments always had a special place in his heart. Right now, he could hear his heartbeat in his head.

“I’m not sure what I’m more nervous for. This audition or having sex,” Harry admitted sheepishly. Louis bit his lip, oddly serious as he ducked down and kissed Harry softly. It’d been a while since they kissed like that. It reminded him of their closest times together. The sad ones and the soft ones. The ones when it was just them. Forever.

“And here we have a couple of love birds!” A camera man said as he thrust a microphone into their faces. “Duo?”

Harry smiled dopily, finding that the camera wasn’t as intimidating as before, not with Louis by his side making funny faces. “No. Though, he really should be out there, too. Voice of an angel.”

“And bum of a professional footballer, thank you!” Louis huffed. He was technically progressional, even if his lay was minimal and the games were bare. Any time now, Harry knew he’d be chose for a real team. “This is Harry Styles. Learn the name, lads. He’s going to be famous.”

Harry laughed. “I just want to make music.”

A dawning look came across the face of the man with the microphone. “Harry Styles? Oh, we’ve heard of you. Or rather, I’ve watched the clip your friend made for you. Adorable, really.”

Harry looked at Louis, unable to hold back the beaming smile on his lips, but he did give him a quick questioning look before focusing on the camera again.

“So, Louis, when Harry makes it big, will you two sty together?”

Louis snorted. “Please. I’ll be just as big. He’ll be chasing after me.”

Glad for something other than himself to talk about, Harry chimed in, “He’s going to play for Man U, I swear.”

Just as the man was about to ask something else, another number was called. It was Harry’s number. All the color drained from his face. “Shit. Lou - I -,”

“You got it, love,” Louis stood with Harry, and together they walked to backstage. “Do my favorite one.”

Harry felt a little air escape his lungs. Okay. He had a song. That was good.

“And Harry? Um, just - pay attention to the clip, okay?” Louis’ blue eyes were bouncing between Harry’s. He looked even more nervous than Harry. So he offered a quick nod and stepped forward, pressing his lips to Louis’.

“Thank you, Lou. Love you.”

Louis blushed. “Of course, you - what?”

Oops. He forgot that Louis had been completely asleep when he’d muttered those words last night. He also forgot that they were probably supposed to be platonic.

Then, the producer pulled Harry backstage, where he stood and watched on a small screen what was being projected into the auditorium.

After Harry’s name was displayed, Louis’ face popped up. He was in this building, so he’d obviously come in person, which was amazing that he’d do something like that for Harry. This was all amazing.

“Hi! I am not Harry Styles!”

The crowd chuckled.

“Harry is my best mate. Has been since we were little lads! He’s the sweetest guy alive. Curliest hair, biggest smile, biggest heart. And deepest voice,” Louis shrugged, but his words grew slower, which only happened when he turned serious about something. “He’s always so passionate about his songs, and I just wanted to do something to help him out. Lord knows I owe him at least that much.”

Behind the camera, a voice asked, “Why?”

Louis but his lip, glancing away as his eyes grew moist. “I, uh, haven’t always been nice to him. He’s had a rough life because of me.” Louis took a shuddering, deep breath before looking into the camera. “When I was younger, I was in denial about who I am, and because of that...I said horrible things to Harry. We were best mates, and I hurt him just because he‘s not straight. And despite everything I said and did to him, when I finally realized that I was gay...he was there for me.”

Louis blinked rapidly on camera, near tears. He offered an apologetic smile. The camera switched over to a clip of Harry and Louis laughing and teasing each other just moment ago. Then, Louis’ voice came over the slowed-down scene.

“He’s been through a lot because of me. I’ve asked a lot of Harry,” Louis said sadly. “And I’m going to ask him one more thing, I believe.”

“What’s that?”

Louis gave a snort. “To be my boyfriend, obviously. And to sing his fu-bleep-ing heart out for me.”

Before Harry could even close his mouth, he was being shoved out on stage.

“Hello,” Cheryl said with a twinkle in her eye. “You must be Harry.” Silence. “I take it from your speechlessness you either have terrible stage fright or you hadn’t seen that clip before.”

Harry blinked, licking his lips quickly before he finally came to. “Uh, no. I hadn’t seen it.”

She gave a chuckle, and many girls in the audience sighed dreamily, which made Harry laugh.

“Well, we’re all dying to know what your answer is,” she exclaimed.

Simon butted in. “Actually, we just want to hear you sing.”

Cheryl gave him a death stare, and Harry laughed.

“I’ll be singing a song I wrote called ‘His Smile,’” Harry blushed, eyes flickering to side stage as he saw Louis standing there with a mischievous smirk on his lips. So Harry winked. “Oh, and the answer is yes.”

. . .

Louis threw open the door to their apartment, spinning around and shoving Harry up against the door. He had no complaints about that. Louis’ lips were all over him in any place he could reach. His collar bones were already forming small little bite marks.

“We take the audition went well,” Liam cleated his throat from the kitchen, making both of them pause in their ministrations. Harry straightened, looking at them with a giant smile on his face. Louis, however, slotted his leg between Harry’s and was grinding against him slowly.

“I got sent through. Boot camp in a week!”

“That’s great, Harry!” Zayn said. “Still doesn’t explain why Louis’ humping your leg.”

“Oh that,” Harry smirked, hands dipping down to slip under his trousers. “We’re dating.”

Louis detached his lips from Harry’s neck to look back at them with a dubious grin. “And we’re gonna have celebratory sex. Volume up, boys!”

Zayn rolled his eyes while Liam nodded in approval. “About time.”

“Use lube this time,” Zayn muttered as Louis dragged Harry back toward his room.

“Bugger off!” Louis shouted, slamming the door behind them. Before he could even turn around, Harry pressed against him, mouthing as his neck. “Fuck.”

“I love your bum,” Harry moaned as he licked up Louis’ neck, rewarding him with a shiver from the smaller boy. Without hesitation, Harry spun Louis around and picked him up. Instantly, he wrapped his legs around Harry’s waist. “I love how tiny you are.”

“I am not tiny, Harold. I am perfectly-,”

Harry slapped his hand onto Louis’ arse so hard he stopped speaking. Smirking, Harry kissed him back onto the bed. “Shut up, Louis.”

“Okay,” Louis’ hands wound into his Harry, pulling them impossibly closer as they hurriedly freed themselves of their clothes. “You’re gorgeous, Harry. I’ve never told you that.”

Harry’s lips tilted into a smile. He caged Louis’ face in with his forearms, eyes staring openly into those striking blue ones. “You still feel guilty.”

Louis nodded meekly. “I think I always will. I never-,”

Harry kissed him quiet and pulled back. “You want me to count it out? To show you that for all the bad you did to me, you’ve done three times more good?” Louis frowned, thinking on his words, but Harry didn’t give him the time to. He lowered his body so they rested completely together, drawing in Louis’ attention again. “That’s not how you forgive someone, Louis. That’s fairness, but that’s not forgiveness.”

Louis finally relaxed, eyes glowing with interest. “Your maturity will never stop amazing me. Tell me, Harry. What is forgiveness?”

Harry smiled, wanting nothing more than for Louis to truly feel the forgiveness Harry exuded. “Forgiveness happens when you know the person has changed. When he’s seen his mistakes.” Kiss. “When he’s learned from his mistakes.” Kiss. “When he’s changed from his mistakes.” Kiss. “At first, I excused it. Then, I ignored it. I’m not sure when I forgave you, but maybe when you punched Stan in the face.” Kiss and giggles. “Probably when you tore open my arse and cried more than me.”

“I fucking hate you,” Louis giggled shamefully. It was in that moment that Harry knew. His smile was crooked and michievous, and his eyes twinkled, and his hair was an absolute wreck in all kinds of directions, and his somewhat tone chest was breathing heavily, and Harry knew he was in love with him.

“Definitely when I fell in love with you.”

Louis’ giggles stopped. His breathing did, too. He stared at Harry like that was the last thing he’d expected to hear. Fear and desire and hope and nervousness rushed though those electric blue orbs.

“Since when?”

“Since you threw sand in my face.” Louis smacked him, making a grin appear. “Fine. I - I really don’t know. There’s only been you, Lou. No sexuality. Just Louis-sexual.”

“I think I may gag,” Louis said, but Harry knew he was lying by the wet tears in his eyes. He’d always been a cryer. Harry didn’t blame him, though. This may be the thing he’d been needing to hear all his life. That he was someone’s first choice. That Harry wouldn’t walk away from him. To see it proven. To feel it alive all around him. “I think I love you, too.“

“I know you do.”

Again, Louis smacked him. “You’re such an arse!”

Harry wiggled his eyebrows and kissed him so slowly he’d have every inch of Louis’ tongue memorized by heart for days.

“I may be an arse, but will you let me have yours, as well?”

“Harry,” Louis deadpanned.

“I have another option,” Harry rolled off him to the side with a grin. “I may be an arse, but I’m going to fuck yours.”

“Speaking of, can we get on with that?”

“One more!”

“I’m starting without you,” Louis huffed. True to his word, he grabbed the lube from his nightstand and squirted some onto Harry’s fingers.

“Arse you not excited to have sex?”

“That might have been your worst one ever,” Louis huffed, taming Harry’s hand and placing it between his thighs, making the younger boy gasp. “I can only do so much, love.”

Harry gulped. Shit. This was really happening. Okay. He could do this. “I’ve got you,” he said, voice deeper than he’d recalled. The moment he pushed a finger inside Louis, he gasped and clutched at Harry, pulling him closer.

As Liam had advised, Harry put a second one in a crooked his fingers. He felt the smallest little nub at the exact same time that Louis moaned as loud as a scream, jolting like he’d been shocked.

“You okay?” Harry asked, eyes wide with fear, but Louis only clutched at his bicep, burying his face into Harry’s chest as he whimpered uncontrollably. It was an addicting sound and feeling. The nails pricked pain that made Harry’s body feel electrified.

“Again. Again, again, again,” Louis gasped, eyes locking with Harry’s. “Please, Harry.”

He was weak to Louis’ please. Immediately, he crooked his fingers again and found the nub, brushing a little roughly over it as he thrust in and out, building a pace.

Moab’s slipping out of his mouth like lightning, Louis clutched desperately at Harry. Eyes closed and body tight, Louis was on the verge of an orgasm like no other Harry had seen before. It was addicting. Harry really needed to see how far he could go, so he pushed in a third and stilled all three fingers against his prostate, rubbing furiously.

“Ohmygodharrrry,” Louis shouted as he came completely untouched. It took a few minutes of Harry kissing him for his eyes to flutter open, blinking rapidly. “That was amaaazing.”

“It was so hot,” Harry licked along his lip, enjoying the taste of Louis even more than normal. Maybe now it was because it was his to taste and his alone. His lips were soft and pliant as he weakly kissed back. “You’re so hot.”

Blushing, Louis wiggled his hips into his fingers. “Gonna fuck me now?”

“Absolutely,” Harry breathed. He was less nervous now. Somehow, he’d gotten Louis to cum without touching his dick, so he figured he was off to a good start. His heart still was beating off the charts, but he had a hard time determining if it was due to anxiety or lustful desires.

He slid his fingers out, making Louis wince, and sat up to pull on a condom. Then, he slicked himself up as Louis watched, eyes glued to Harry’s hands.

“Your cock is beautiful,” Louis mumbled as he watched Harry climb over him. Their eyes connected, desire laced between both pair. “Gonna fuck me so good.”

Harry snorted. “Don’t expect greatness, Louis. I’ve never -,”

“We’ll just keep fucking until we figure it out,” Louis’ hands ran over the panes of his back. “Please, Harry.” It was like he knew the begging got to him in so many ways. “Please fuck me.”

“God, yes,” Harry groaned, falling to his elbows beside Louis, who spread his legs as wide as possible and helped line Harry up.

Then, he pushed in.

He tried to go slow, really, but he was so tight, even with all the stretching, and once he was in, it was like a waterfall overtook his senses. A white haze clouded them in together, and all he could think about was moving inside Louis.

“Wow,”” Louis rasped, voice strained and nails digging into his back. “Feels so good, Haz. You make me - ugh - please, move!”

Harry didn’t hesitate as he pulled out slightly and rammed back in with power that sent Louis up on the bed a bit with a squeak. He did it again, and again, until Louis was letting out adorably hot little huffs with each thrust. He was so tight around him, and so fucking vocal.

“Harrry,” he moaned, nails digging into his back so deep. Harry changed angles a bit, and then he screamed, back arching, teetering on the edge. “I’m - fuckkk.”

He was close, and thank goodness, because it was all Harry could do to not cum then and there.

“Come for me, baby,” Harry hissed, voice deep and commanding, and Louis nodded like the desperate beautiful boy he was. “Now.”

“I - Harry!”

Louis came in small spurts, and he clenched around Harry so much it sent him over the edge, whole body shaking in a high like no other.

Then, he collapsed on Louis.

“Harry,” Louis whined, shoving against him. “Icannobreavee.”

“M’sorry,” Harry barely managed to push himself over to his back. “Shit.”

Louis chuckled grimly. “I know. We’re a mess.”

“No, like, shit that was amazing,” Harry blinked slower than he’d spoken. “Your body is...addicting.”

Louis laughed fully, a sound that made his heart skip a beat. Then, he rested his head on Harry’s chest, beaming up at him. “You’re addicting,” Louis countered with a smirk. “God, the way you kind of take charge...I didn’t think I’d like that, you know, but...”

“Yeah?” Harry huffed, rubbing Louis’ hair a little. “I can do more.” Louis nodded frantically, and that made them both giggle a little. “Not now. I want cuddles.”

Louis never looked happier. They wiped their stomached off with one of their shirts before Louis wrapped himself around Harry.

“I love you,” Louis whispered as their hearts connected and breathing shallowed.

“I love you, too,” Harry mumbled, tightening his hold on Louis’ hand. He’d never let go, not ever. Everything he needed in life was right in this bed, wrapped around him. “So much.”

“Forever,” Louis added, nipping Harry’s neck lightly.

“Forever.”

. . .

It only took three years, which was really a long time looking back at it. Louis was the one to propose, contrary to what Harry claimed, and their wedding was in the fall, and it was before Louis’ mum was too sick. It was perfect timing because Harry had just finished a world tour and Louis was healing from an injury. They moved to Manchester when Louis got picked for the ManU team.

Louis’ mum got sicker, but she claimed to be holding on until she saw a grandkid. They weren’t not ready, they supposed. They’d had four years of blissful marriage, two magazines claiming they were on the edge of divorce, three almost-caught public sex incidences, and endless bottles of lube. A slower pace was ideal now that Louis would be in a starting position compared to a sub position. He’d be traveling to every game, so with Harry taking some time off, it was perfect timing. They got a surrogate and did a fifty-fifty blind chance of who’s sperm was donated. It was Louis’, and both of them were happy with it. Louis was happy because now his mum would get blood-grandchildren, even if she swore she didn’t care whose DNA it was. Harry was happy because Louis was absolutely perfect in every way possible. He’d get a mini-version if Louis. Life couldn’t have been better.

Then, it got bad. The surrogate lost the baby before the second trimester started. It was a spontaneous abortion, cause unknown. Louis’ mum got hospitalized, where they were told her cancer had spread to her kidneys. She was put on dialysis.

Louis didn’t want to try again. He was barely hanging on as it was. It created a rift between them. Harry was losing his mind at home when Louis went to practice. Songs were spilling out of him, but none of them helped ease the pain.

They had a fight. A big one. Bigger than they’d ever faced before.

“Not happening,” Louis clenched his jaw, back turned to Harry as he readied his practice bag. “I’m not ready.”

“Then let’s adopt,” Harry insisted, moving around the counter to hold his hand. Louis jerked it away, horror stricken on his face.

“Adopt?” Louis gaped. “You just want to replace the baby we lost? Will that fix it?”

Harry’s mouth dropped open. “Of course not! I -,”

“I can’t, Harry!” Louis shouted so suddenly it made Harry stumble back. “My mum’s has a year to live. Maybe. I can’t lose her and a child, Harry. Not again.”

Harry tried to take a calming breath, but he felt so ignored and pushed away. It just burst out of him. “It’s not all about you, Louis. I’m in pain, too. I’m struggling, too. I don’t even have a distraction like football. I can’t just keep sitting here thinking about the baby we lost. Please, Lou. I want to be a parent.”

Then, Louis said the unthinkable. He tossed his hands in the air and shouted, “It wasn’t even your child! You don’t understand -,”

slap

Louis stared at him, clutching his red cheek. A lost look was on his face as he stared at Harry.

“I can’t believe you’d say that,” Harry didn’t apologize for slapping him. He didn’t even spare him another word. He just looked him over with disgust one last time before backing away. His mind felt guilt, but his heart felt pain.

Harry stayed with his good mate James Gordon. After a few weeks of annoying him, James had him on his show for a couple weeks. It was a good distraction, and after talking to other celebrities and entertaining, doing stuff that didn’t relate to himself in the least, Harry felt awful. He couldn’t believe he’d slapped Louis.

He also couldn’t believe they hadn’t spoken in five weeks.

Louis had called. He left desperate voicemails. There were at least twenty texts from him, and Harry hadn’t read the last couple ones. Louis had given up after a week of Harry ignoring him.

His mum called, and so did Jay. They were worried. He said they’d be fine, but this time, the magazine claiming they were on the edge of a split made Harry’s entire body flash with scared heat. What if it was true? What if this was what killed them?

And then he realized how stupid he was.

“Hey, I know you’re playing right now,” Harry left in a voicemail as he raced him. There was no reason to hurry home. Louis was in London. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t rush healing processes. I don’t think I am completely healed, either. I just - I saw a magazine, you know? And I know this is a fight. I hurt you, and you hurt me. All during a sensitive time for us. But we can’t let this be the thing that ruins us. I love you, Lou. I always will. If you need a decade, I’ll wait for you because there’s no point in having a family if you’re not one hundred percent ready for one. I’d never even want a family without you. So...splitting isn’t an option? Alright?”

Louis wasn’t due to get home until the next day, so Harry spent that night in one of Louis’ jumpers, even if it was a tad too tight. It smelled like him. It smelled so much like him it made Harry cry.

When the door burst open, Harry screamed. Louis flung himself at Harry.

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry,” Louis muttered as he kissed him desperately. Harry held him, legs wrapped around waist, and stared at his grimy beauty. Clearly, he’d come straight from the game. His hair was everywhere and had mud in it, and he smelled like a dirtier version of himself. “I’m awful. I - you were as much a father as I was. I never should have said that.”

Harry cried even more but happier. Louis’ dirty fingers wiped away his tears. “It’s okay. I never should have pushed you. It-“,

“I did a thing,” Louis blurted, eyes wide and unsure. He ran his hands through Harry’s long curls, tugging slightly. “Don’t be mad. I - I thought you were ready.”

Harry raised an eyebrow skeptically. “For what?”

“For a baby,” Louis mumbled, eyes shifting to Harry’s chest. His heart pounded suddenly in his chest, so Harry sat down on the couch, Louis on his lap. Slowly, Louis remover the jumper from Harry’s chest, pressing his face against his heart. His eyes closed, and Harry knew what he was doing. He did this every time he came back from a tournament or any time they spent more than a few days apart. He was savoring the feeling of Harry’s body again his, and Harry did the same thing.

“What do you mean?”

Louis bit his lip and finally looked at him. “A week after you left I went to the doctor. I - you weren’t replacing the one we lost. We both knew that. I just...I couldn’t help but feel that way. Our baby’s future was cut off before it even begun.” Louis took a shaky breath. “But it was four months ago. We both want a big family, but we’ll never forget her, right?”

“Never,” Harry said, not correcting him for giving her a gender. They never found out, but Louis always insisted it was a her.

“Good,” he sighed, fingers digging into his arms, as if to memorize the feeling of being with him again. Five weeks was too much. “Because we’re pregnant.”

Harry gasped. “Seriously? Lou. Are you - fuck.”

Louis beamed, and Harry kissed him. He didn’t stop kissing him. He couldn’t stop.

“Don’t get too excited,” Louis mumbled as Harry sucked a mark into his neck. “Different surrogate, but still. Never know.”

“I know. I won’t. After tonight,” Harry said. “Tonight I need to celebrate. Please.”

Louis’ eyes got darker as a look passed over him. “Gonna fuck me?”

Harry almost nodded, but then a thought occurred to him. “Actually,” he said, mind thinking back to a conversation he’d had with Ed Sheeran while on the show with James. He told Ed about his and Louis’ technical first time, and Ed had laughed, saying he was sure they probably almost pissed their pants the next time Louis tried to fuck Harry. Harry claimed they weren’t into water sports and Ed laughed so hard he nearly pissed his pants, but really, it made Harry think. “Maybe you could try tucking me.”

“Really?”

Harry shrugged. “I don’t know why we haven’t tried it. I know you love bottoming,” he said and grinned when Louis nodded eagerly. “But we never tried after that awful time.”

Louis smirked, thinking for a second before nodding. “Alright then.”

This time around was much better. It was a different dynamic, one they’d need to work on, and it definitely wouldn’t become their norm, but it was pleasantly different.

Jay shouldn’t have been around when the baby arrived, but she was. Somehow, she’d held on. She was weak and in pain, but something kept her around to see the birth of little Lillian.

Jay wasn’t around for the birth of a virtual Harry look alike named Elijah. It was okay, though. Louis survived. The kids wouldn’t allow him to miss her for that long.

It wasn’t until their third child, Cruz, turned six that Mark ever came up. Cruz had Louis’ hair and eyes, and he seemed to be just as wild as him, so the question wasn’t meant to be heavy, but it hit Louis and Harry like a brick.

“How come Pops has two dads, and I have two dads, but Dad has none?”

So that was how Louis decided to meet with Mark again. He’d changed, mainly because Lottie and Fizzy threatened to cut off all contact if he didn’t open his mind up more. It wasn’t perfect, and they’d never let him watch their children alone, but they allowed him to visit and give presents and reconnect with Louis.

And years later when they were both retired watching their grandkids teach them about electronics, new music that was absolutely horrendous to their ears, and some high-tech game called Quidditch that was replacing football in popularity, they’d smile and look to each other and thank God for working things out for them even when everything pointed to a disaster waiting to happen.

“I love you,” Harry said.

“Forever,” Louis agreed, flashing him that crinkled-eyed smile that still sent Harry’s heart racing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And that's the end. I hope you liked it. Check out my other shorter Larry stories if you liked my writing. Most of my stories aren't in this fast-paced format, so you might like them more or less, who knows!
> 
> Please let me know what you thought of it. Did the ending do it justice? Who liked the sex scene? Who liked the names? 
> 
> Thanks for reading!

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you enjoyed this story! Please, please, please leave a review! It is a long story, so please leave me your thoughts! I'll post the next chapter in a few days. I just like having it separated because of the length. 
> 
> How mean was Louis? Should Harry have forgiven him? Prob not but why did he? Who loved and who hated the awkward first time? I fucking loved it. Also, I wanted to show what can happen when a) unprepared b) first time bc who really knows what they're doing - with or without porn b) probs a little too you. Thoughts? 
> 
> Posting the next chapter soon! :)


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